Soothing Cold
by oooSilverWolfooo
Summary: Bella is forced to move in with her father in a small town called Forks. As her father steps tentatively around her, she pushes everyone away, shunning their burning touch as she clutches desperately at a secret she doesn't even know why she's hiding anymore. Only her angels with their soothing cold keep her somewhat grounded, but every day she is still splintering in constant fear
1. Chapter 1

Soothing Cold

Chapter 1

 **BPOV**

I'm near panic as the plane's wheels leave the runway, unshed tears burning behind my eyes.

There are people everywhere around me: a business woman typing on a laptop to my left, a kid in the seat in front of me kicking the seat in front of him, and a man directly behind that has gotten up three times already to retrieve things from the compartment above his head.

All these people and men moving around, crammed into this little plane with me, sends my mind spiraling and heart thrumming quicker than it should. But I sit there with my hands in my lap, clenched with white knuckles and the ends of my long sleeves soaking up the sweat gathering in my palms.

It's my own fault that I am here now, being sent to Forks to live with my father. Part of me is relieved to be moving to this tiny town with fewer people than there was in enormous Phoenix, to be away from Him and his burning touch.

I remember my mom's tear filled eyes as she sent me through the terminal, and Phil's disappointed gaze following me until the other people filing in, close around me.

Anxiety is also there, in the form of a lump in the back of my throat and stiff muscles.

By the time the plane touches down in Seattle, my muscles are all knotted and locked, and I've finally calmed myself down enough to breathe normally. Ish.

I force myself to stand along with everyone else and follow the slow moving line with my single suitcase held close to my body to act as another barrier against all the people shuffling about.

I spot Charlie, my dad, easily enough standing next to his police cruiser and I stumble forward with my head bowed in shame.

He steps forward looking like he's going to hug me before thinking better of it and just taking my bag. I'm glad, because if he had tried to put is arms around me, I'm certain I would have jerked away in a mini freak out.

"Hey Bells," is all he says before opening the door for me to climb in in silence.

After a long while of just driving, he glances over at me.

"I told the school you were coming; you start tomorrow."

I nod in acknowledgment.

"I got you something as a sort of welcome present. You just got your license, right?" He asks hopefully.

"Dad, you didn't have to," I immediately start to object. He gave me presents a lot, but they were never for free. _He_ always wanted something in return, no matter how desperately I tried to give it back or tell him I didn't want it.

Charlie blushes.

"I wanted to. I got it pretty cheap and you'll be needing something to get to school..."

We pull up into a driveway with an old rusted red truck.

"Thanks dad," I whisper before stepping out of the car into the slight drizzle that had started on the drive over.

I follow Charlie into the house and he leads me to the familiar room I used to use whenever I visited as a child.

He leaves me there with my suitcase and it's only then that my locked muscles relax fully, slightly sore from flexing for so long.

I fall into the purple covers as the silent tears start to fall, staying there until I fall asleep after the third time that Charlie checks to make sure I hadn't tried to kill myself again.

...

The loud noise of my truck cuts off, the sudden silence making me shudder, and I step out of the nearly deserted parking lot of the school.

I had purposely arrived early to avoid the stares that we're sure to come the moment the unfamiliar vehicle entered the parking lot.

The main office is easy to find and I'm soon slipping stiffly through the few kids that had started to arrive.

With my hood flipped up, no one really notices me until third period when an arm is thrown over my shoulder and a smiling blond head of hair appears right beside me.

"Hey, your Isa-" I give a small shriek, flinching so hard that I jerk away, tripping over a book bag and then a chair.

The boy raises his hands with wide eyes.

"Whoa, sorry, didn't mean to startle you. Here, let me help."

I cringe at his reaching hands and scramble to my feet on my own to put some space between us.

"I-I'm fine," I stutter. "I don't need your help."

"Sorry," he repeats, stuffing his hands deep into his pockets.

Everyone in the class by now is staring. So much for staying invisible.

The teacher quickly calls the class to order and I find a seat, trembling slightly, as I tug my sleeves lower to bunch in my palm.

After the bell rings, the same boy approaches with a sheepish smile.

"Hey, sorry again about scaring you. I'm Mike," he introduces, extending his hand in a normal greeting.

I nod, keeping my hands stubbornly at my sides.

His smile drops slightly along with his hand.

"Anyway, since lunch is next, would you like to join me and my friends at our table?"

"No thank you," I say stiffly, shouldering my bag and skirting around him.

When I walk into the lunchroom with my hood up, everyone turns to stare.

My steps falter, making me stumble slightly, and I walk faster trying to shrink into myself.

I find an empty table to sit at with my apple and water bottle, though both go untouched as I do anything to avoid the staring.

 _Slut_ , a voice says in my head, making me cringe. I should be used to it by now; it always comes when I'm most worked up.

 _It's your own fault you're here; you shouldn't have gotten caught._

It's not my fault, how was I supposed to know that my mom's art class got canceled and she would find me in that bathroom floor?

 _Try again_ , the voice says. _But try something that you can't heal from._

The backs of my eyes burn but I've long since grown used to pushing the tears away when people are around.

Charlie would be crushed if I actually succeeded.

Charlie; he works for the police. He has a gun; that could work. No one, not even the best doctor could bring me back from that...

 _Slut_.

I cringe again at the familiar voice.

 _You let me do this to you; this is your fault for letting this happen. You're a slut. A whore. You get off on this too, don't you?_

I don't, I really don't; it hurts! Please stop.

I fold my arms against me, trying to hold in my sickness and heartache.

 _Slut, you let me do this. What would everyone think of you if they knew what you let me do to you?_

I don't want this! Why won't you stop? Why won't you go away...? Why did I stop fighting? I'm so tired...

The gun, the gun will work. I know where he puts it every night, I used to watch him as a child as he took the clips out and hung it up.

But he stopped taking the clips out when I grew up. They'll be in there now.

My head snaps up as the chair across from me is pulled out.

 **RPOV**

The new girl's head whips up at a breakneck speed as I pull out the chair across from her, eyes widening to saucers.

They are immediately drawn to Emmett as he pulls out the chair next to mine, and her little heart picks up speed, working itself frantically.

The sent of fear is potent as she stares at my best friend, and my concern grows.

Edward had peeked into her mind at the beginning of lunch, and couldn't seem to get out after that, relaying to us everything he heard or the flashes of images that he saw. The thoughts were horrible and suggestive in a way that made my heart immediately go out to this random human girl.

Isabella is what everyone knows her as. Apparently, she had quit the freak out when stupid Mike Newman casually threw his arm aground her in greating.

The poor child, she's only a sophomore.

"Hey," I say quietly, sitting down in the seat while sending Emmett a warning look.

I wanted to come over here by myself, but Emmett had insisted on coming along.

I can see her struggle to swallow. She also seems to have a hard time dragging her eyes over to me, flicking them back to my idiotic best friend, and then down to the table before repeating the cycle.

My sharp eyes are drawn to the ends of her sleeve bunched in her hand, where she moves them to her lap.

"Hi," she says softly, sitting back and effectively putting more space between us. I doubt her reluctance has anything to do with her instincts telling her that I'm dangerous.

"I'm Rosalie," I introduce, offering my hand.

This is something I never do to a human, I never willingly get close, but she might be like me and maybe I could help her.

She might take my hand, even though she didn't take Mike's, because I'm not a male. She seems more stressed around them, considering the constant glances she sends the large boy beside me.

She does take my hand, hesitantly. She doesn't jerk away from the cold like I expect, but seems to relax slightly.

"Bella," she introduces.

So she likes to go by a nickname.

"This is my brother, Emmett," I gesture beside me, where said boy grins reassuringly at her.

She nods at him, not taking his offered hand.

Emmett lets it drop, not offended in the slightest.

The other students' shocked and jealous whispers about two of the Cullens talking to the new girl reach my sensitive ears, but they're easy to ignore.

"So how are you liking Forks so far?" I ask, forcing myself to make small talk with this girl.

When chief Swan gets home, I'll be sneaking in to remove the bullet clips. I've never gotten so involved with a human before, but hearing the suggestive thoughts that she thinks...well I can't just sit back. Carlisle didn't do that for me, and I won't do it for anyone else.

I may not know for absolutely certain that this is what's going on, but I do know that she was just thinking about killing herself later tonight.

"It's better than Phoenix," she grimaces and I hear Edward give a soft gasp from our table. I have to refrain from turning to face him and demanding what he saw.

"That's good I guess," I mumble. "Do you mind if I sit here tomorrow?" I ask as the bell rings.

If she says no, I'll just do it anyway.

She glances at Emmett, hesitating. "Sure," she finally says, standing up with her uneaten apple and unopened bottle.

She tosses them both into the trash on her way out and I return to my concerned siblings as Edward starts to describe what he saw in Bella's thoughts.

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, so I've had this written for a while but it's no where near completion. I don't know when or how often i will be updating, I just wanted to put this out there. I'm going to do that with a few of my stories, even ones that I will probably not finish. Thanks for reading and please review!**

 **~Silver~**


	2. Chapter 2

Soothing Cold

Chapter 2

 **BPOV**

The thing with Rosalie was strange, and her brother seemed nice enough. Rosalie herself and her brother were strange.

They are definitely the most beautiful people I've ever seen before, and their eyes were the strangest gold. Emmett's were kind and though he was big and bulky, his face made him look more like a child. Maybe that's why I said it was okay for them to sit with me tomorrow. Or maybe because Rosalie looked at me with such soft eyes that I haven't seen in a while.

Or maybe it was because I just wasn't planning on being there tomorrow.

Though the brief conversation did distract me slightly from my plans, the voice didn't let me completely forget.

Many students after lunch tried to talk to me, all of whom I did my best to dodge.

After that, it seemed like the day slipped by quickly before Charlie went to bed and I snuck downstairs to find his gun.

I don't hesitate pulling the trigger, but all that happens is a soft click.

Of course. Of course he would start taking the bullets out when his suicidal daughter is sent to stay with him.

Even so, I start to cry in frustration as the voice comes back, insulting me for not even being able to die right.

 _Stop crying. You can't make a sound; your mother can't know about this. If she finds out... I'll never stop touching you, doing this to you. But you don't want me to stop, do you? You're a slut._

I'm not, I'm not.

I climb to my feet, making my crying turn silent like I have learned to do, and go back to my bed where I fall into a fitful sleep.

...

I'm thinking about new ways to make it all end for certain, stepping out in front of a car, jumping off a building, OD, maybe starve myself, when the chair across from me slides back and Rosalie sits herself in front of me again.

Her kind eyes look me over for a moment, making me slightly, uncomfortable. "Hello," she greets with a small smile.

"Hi," I mumble, nodding a greeting to Emmett as well before looking down at my hands that play with my untouched apple.

She glances at it. "Not going to eat?" She asks frowning.

"Are you?" I raise a challenging eyebrow.

She grimaces before picking up her greasy pizza and taking a bite out of it. Emmett gapes at her while she swallows. She then raises her own eyebrow, glancing at my apple as if saying, 'you're turn.'

I sigh and take a bite, trying my best not to let the juice run down the corner of my mouth.

I guess starving is out already. If she won't eat unless I eat, I'm not making someone else go hungry.

Lunch goes on like that, her taking a bite and me mirroring as she talks about random things, telling me about her family and how they're all adopted.

Emmett talks about his video games, complaining about how his brother beat him last night, and I relax slightly, enjoying their casual chatter.

It's...different. Almost normal feeling, and that makes me feel almost normal. Until, that is, a boy behind me trips over my chair and the voice in my head, his voice, reminds me just why I'm not.

The suddenness of the boy appearing and the proximity of him has my heart leaping into my throat with a choking sensation. My fists clench as I struggle to draw breath and I sit stiffly the remainder of lunch long after the boy apologized and went back to his howling friends.

I throw away my apple core as the bell rings, jumping horribly when an arm is slipped through mine. But I quickly relax.

Just like yesterday, Rosalie's skin is icy cold, such a large difference to His burning acidic touch.

Rosalie gives me an apologetic smile as I look curiously up at her.

"I figured I'd walk you to class. Do you mind?"

No. I don't mind her touch or her presence. I don't mind that everybody seems to magically skirt around her and make what seems like a bubble of solitude. I don't mind that she distracts me from His voice's constant whisper in my ear. His whispers of lies and truths, so many that I don't know which is which anymore.

Oh. She's waiting for an answer. "No," I whisper, looking back down to my feet.

So she tugs me along, the crowd of students parting in her wake like the Red Sea. It's strange to me, to see someone as perfectly beautiful as Rosalie be avoided like she has Lepers. Or maybe it's an instinctual thing to avoid anything that would remind you of what you could never compare to, the way one would not be able to look a god in the eyes if ever faced with one.

We reach my Earth Science classroom quicker than I expected and she's releasing me from her soothing coldness to stride back down the hall with a backwards smile.

With the loss of her unusual cold, my normal anxiety creeps up my stiffening back.

I sit down in my seat from yesterday with faster than normal heart as the classroom fills. The boy, Mike, turns around in his chair to smile brightly at me.

"Hey, Isabella, I was wondering if you wanted-"

"Newton, turn around and face front," the teacher commands, making Mike give a disappointed frown and reluctantly turn away.

The period passes agonizingly slow the way it does when you just want something over with but Father Time wants you to stir in your misery.

I can see that Mike Newton wants to talk to me, get close to me, maybe touch my hand or shoulder, but the thought makes me nauseous and panic rise in my chest.

Finally, too soon, not soon enough, the bell rings and I stumble out of my seat towards the door, ignoring the calls to come back.

The bodies around me are hot, brushing against me, pressing into me, trying to grab me. Grab me, grab me, hold me down- it's suffocating!

I burst out the school doors gasping large breaths that never seems to be enough, or ineffective because my throat is squeezing, constricting, suffocating!

Falling against the wall outside, slippery from the rain, my heart pounds loudly in my ears- a physical force trying to power its way from my chest.

I slide down the wall of the school desperately trying to stop the panic attack that had already slipped past controllable, gasping, gasping, trying to find breath and rub feeling into my numbing fingers.

I can't breathe!

Cool hands cup my cheeks, running fingers through my sweat and rain soaked hair.

"Calm down," Rosalie soothes. "Take a deep breath- look at me." I do as in told, looking up into startlingly golden eyes. "Deep breaths."

She inhales exaggeratingly slow, continuing until I can finally, shakily, match it.

"Good," she coos. "Now can you count to ten?"

The familiar question has me calming even more, even as I do what I'm told. Of course she knows what to do when someone is having a panic attack; her dad is a doctor.

After the danger of the attack completely diminishes, she leans back against the wall beside me, observing my face closely.

"Thanks," I whisper.

She shrugs. "So what brought that on?"

I swallow thickly, but I'm fine now, just exhausted.

"I just get them sometimes."

She nods, not believing but not particularly disbelieving either.

"Are you going to go back to class or do you want me to drive you home?"

"I think I'll just sit here a while," I answer.

She doesn't leave like I expect her to, just leans her head back and tilts her closed eyes to the cool rain.

With her golden locks plastered messily to her scalp and mud smearing her face and expensive clothes, she looks almost normal. But there is still something in the way she sits, or is just there, that makes the whole situation surreal. Like I just stepped into a scene in a movie and I don't know my lines.

I must have fallen asleep because the next second, a hand is brushing my cheek and I'm blinking into ochre eyes. The hand is cold even against my chilled skin, and that might be the reason for me not flinching away immediately upon waking, or it might be because she did it in such a gentle way that I'm not used to. Regardless, I'm oddly at peace with waking up on the ground outside of the school building. It had stopped raining, though the clouds are heavy in the air and, looking around, I see that most of the cars are already gone from the lot, only the teachers remaining.

"Come on; I'm taking you home," she says, offering a hand to help me to stand up. This time, I don't hesitate to take it. Even my subconscious can't find anything to compare Him to her.

She opens the passenger door for me before getting behind the wheel and holding her hand out for the keys.

"How will you get home?" I hesitate, and she rolls her eyes, thumbing a silver Volvo idling in a parking space a few down.

"Edward will follow us to your house and take me home."

Not finding anything wrong with that plan, I hand over my keys.

She smiles and pulls out of the lot.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys, so I just had two snow days, plus weekend, and now another snow day tomorrow as well. Normally I would be happy with this but exams start Wednesday and they're not moving them. I am very unprepared for math.**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading; please review; let me know if anyone else had snow days this week.**

 **~Silver~**


	3. Chapter 3

Soothing Cold

Chapter 3

I don't know what to do the next morning when Rosalie magically shimmers into existence at me side, linking her arm through mine. It's cold and solid- comforting in the way that it is different than my experiences with the human body.

I don't know what to do other than let her lead me like we're best friends, with Emmett shadowing us like a childish bodyguard. His presence is a little disconcerting, but in the two days that they sat with me I've realizes they he really is more of a child. He's tolerable, enjoyable even, if I can forget about his very manly body.

Rosalie again pops up after first, and then second and third, and then she walks me to lunch. The entire time, I notice Mike sulking in the background, waiting for a chance when I'm not in class or surrounded by my two celestial guards.

I know that it's not their intentions, but I'm grateful nonetheless.

"So what do you do for fun?" She asks me during lunch where we are once again doing our back and forth eating.

My brows furrow. "Fun?"

"Yeah, you know, entertainment. You can't just go home from school and sit still the rest of the day."

My face flushes. That's exactly what I do. I get home, exhausted from the constant tensing of my muscles, and just lay there pondering life that usually ends in a nap before I get up and make dinner.

That hasn't changed since coming here.

"Um," I fish for something, "I like to read." Or, at least, I used to like to read. Maybe I could start that up again if this is how life is going to be from now on.

She grins as Emmett scoffs.

"That's not fun; that's homework," he claims earnestly, leaning forward across the table and making me uncomfortable. "You should come over some time and I'll show you some fun-"

A shutter shakes my frame as my body becomes suddenly cold.

 _"What are you doing in here? Is mom okay?"_

 _"She's fine, but you looked rather bored today..."_

 _"I finished my book and can't get another one until tomorrow."_

 _"That seems rather dull. Let me show you some fun."_

 _"What?"_

 _"Take off your clothes."_

"-some video games first, watch some TV, Batman or Psych, and we can get a good game of paintball going if I can convince Esme."

"Sure," I say weakly, and he seems ecstatic. Rosalie, though, is looking at me in concern.

I excuse myself to go to the restroom, hands shaking as I turn on the stream of hot water that steams as it hits the air.

It's scalding as I splash my face, but I ignore the pain of it. I'm not surprised when Rosalie follows me in.

She crosses her arms, leaning back into the sink, just observing as I pull paper towels from the dispenser.

"You know if you ever need to, or want to, talk, I'm right here," she says it so matter of factly. "Talking always helped me when I got anxiety or something was troubling me."

But she hasn't gone what I go through, or maybe she has, but that's somehow worse to think about. Maybe everyone goes through what I'm going through and I'm just not strong enough to handle it. Maybe this kind of thing is actually normal, happens to everyone, and everyone else is just better at hiding it than me.

How many girls have I walked past in the halls, have been raped?

The word stings my mind like a hot iron. I haven't actually thought the word until now; it's always been a taboo, something that can't be real unless I accept it as real.

I let out a slow breath even as my heart races.

"I'm fine," I say, my voice surprisingly steady and not sounding anything like my own.

She nods in acceptance, as if expecting my answer.

...

"It's nice to meet you, Isabella; how have you been?"

Voice soft, soothing, experienced, expectant.

"Fine."

The room is sweltering, constricting; the heater doing its job too well against the chilling air that is steadily growing colder outside. Pale grey-blue color and passionless splash against the wall. It's an uninteresting shade probably meant to not encourage a person to turn their attention away from the session.

I couldn't distract myself away from Dr. Roger even if I wanted to.

He's youngish probably in his early thirties, like Him, short brown hair atop his head, like Him, and a kind, friendly face, like Him.

One of the requirements of being relieved from Suicide Watch and moving in with my dad was going to therapy- and that's fine, deflecting and avoiding questions is easy enough- but why does it have to be a man as my doctor?

Why can't I have a kindly old woman who I can easily allow myself to be distracted, even by the simplicity of the these expressionless walls?

"Is school going well?" He asks. "Have you made any new friends?"

"Just ask what you really want to ask," I say tonelessly, or as close to it as I can muster. My nerves are already fried from being trapped in this room alone with him.

He smiles faintly, almost knowing, and I cringe at the familiarity of it.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

There's the question I was waiting for, the question always asked when someone new finds out.

"That doesn't matter anymore; I'm away from it and it's over with."

He nods and writes something down in his notebook.

"Okay then, but this is still required. Why don't you tell me about school? Have you made any new friends?" He asks once more.

I shift stiffly into a more comfortable position with a sigh.

...

Weeks pass in a routinely blur; not so bad or painful. His voice still whispers in my ear, and I still wake up sweating every night as He haunts my nightmares, but during the day the reality that He's not there leaves me stunned.

But I don't trust it, not for one moment.

Though my body has finally healed, the stitches that split my arm leaving only a dark pink scar, it still remembers every single abuse it has taken, and it knows as well as my mind that it will never be over.

He as much as told me so.

But Rosalie's cold touch, and through her, Emmett's, chases away feelings and thoughts and voices of Him for a short time.

I had learned of Emmett's matching cold when I tripped over a crack in the side walk and he caught me so fast I hadn't seen him move from his spot at Rose's side.

I hadn't immediately drawn away from him at the time, because the touch was so much like her's, and just as gentle. Knowing of his cold, my body seems to have become more comfortable around him by that extra difference that separates him from Him.

"Esme has been eager to meet you," Rosalie casually mentions, leaning against my old rusted truck with a grimace. She absolutely hates the thing, saying that it's not a car if it can't at least go from zero to sixty in point two seconds. My truck can barely reach fifty on a good day.

"You should come over for dinner. It'll be fun."

Emmett grins broadly. "Yeah, and I can teach you how to play some of my video games!"

My lips twist into something foreign. "Sure."

"Great!" Alice, their tiniest pixy of a sister who had taken to coming over as well in the mornings, says. She's sweet, if not a little hyper, and very affectionate.

She always seems to be touching someone, curled around my arm, curled around Rosalie's arm, holding onto Emmett's large hand, or when she is away from us, tucked under on of their other brother's arm, holding onto his waist.

It's actually really cute- she's like a little kid. Maybe that's why I don't mind her touch or holding me any either.

Alice detaches herself from Emmett and latches onto my hand, jumping.

"You can come over right after school and we can hang out, Emmett can teach you video games, you can meet our parents, and Rose can brag to you about her cars!"

The foreign twist of my lips widen, like it does every time Alice seems to speak.

"Alright," I agree almost too easily, but then again, who wouldn't?

When I look up to Rosalie, she had such a strange expression, but it's washed away the instant she meets my eyes, a grin flashing wide.

She's so beautiful and nice and perfect that I have to look away in shame, the way a sinner would when faced before God, about to be turned away from heaven.

"I'll drive you there since this shameful scrap of metal you call a truck probably won't keep up enough to follow behind my brother's soccer mom car."

"Okay," I say, straightening as the bell rings for first period.

* * *

 **A/N: Alright, here it is. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Soothing Cold

Chapter 4

 **BPOV**

Rose's cold arm is wrapped around mine as I step out of her shiny red car. Her hand slides along my arm, fingers tracing my wrist until they slide through and entwine with my own.

This is new, her holding my hand, but it's not uncomfortable. Just different.

I look up at her questioningly, but she's looking straight ahead, guiding me up the steps to her mansion of a house. I hold her hand tighter as I look up at it. It's so big and white and I have dirty shoes. I don't belong here.

Rosalie looks down at me then, and smiles. It's really not fair that she could do that and it just calms me down. It's a smile that says, 'it's okay', or, 'I won't let you get hurt'.

And I trust it, so I give an uncertain smile back and allow her to drag me into the house to meet her parents.

They are standing at the foot of the stairs, waiting expectantly, and of course they look just as beautiful as their children.

I feel dirty again, sinful, standing in the presence of angels, and I look down abashed.

Cold arms wrap around me, and I think it's Rosalie for a moment, but her hand is still in mine and the smell that assaults my nose is of baked things.

"Hello Bella," the voice chimes and Rose's mother pulls back with a warm smile. "I'm Esme, an this is my husband Carlisle."

"Hello, Bella," the man says, standing at a respectful distance. He offers his hand and I don't hesitate to take it.

Like I expected, it's cold as ice and my muscles relax on their own, without my prompting them too.

"It's nice to meet you," I mumble, embarrassed for no other reason than just being in their house.

"Are you hungry?" Esme asks. "I can bring you some snacks?"

"Ah, no, thank you though."

"She would love some Esme," Rosalie interrupts, squeezing my arm slightly. "We both would."

Esme looks mildly surprised before she smiles and disappears into what I think is the kitchen. Carlisle takes his leave, going back up the stairs.

"Bell Bear!" Emmett's loud voice startles me, and his large arms wraps around both Rose and I.

Her hand falls from mine, and I laugh at the large boy, completely at ease. He's just too much like a child.

"Come on, come play with me! The games are all set up but Alice will steal you if you don't hurry up." He mutters lower, in a pout, "you were my friend first."

He leads me to the living room where a large consul takes up a good portion of the wall. I'm stunned by the barrier of glass and the grand piano on a little stage.

He shoves a controller into my hand and sits down on the floor in a pile of blankets and pillows, and pats the spot next to him. His eyes are a bright shining gold.

I sit on the ground next to him and Rosalie slides onto the couch I'm leaning against, with a magazine in hand.

I watch her a moment, as she casually leans against the armrest, long legs stretched out in front of her. She reaches down with one hand, and absently pets my hair. It feels nice.

I turn back around, catching Emmett's eye, and he has the strangest look on his face.

"What?" I ask, confused.

His smile only widens. "Nothing. You ready to play?"

"Sure, but you'll have to teach me."

It's slow going at first, but once I learn the general controls, he doesn't hold back in beating me down, cackling all the while. Well, no, I don't think any of them could really cackle. It's more of a giggle.

I look up as Alice dances into the room, and my character is destroyed on the screen.

"You've been here for two hours; when are you going to come play with me?" She pouts.

"Okay," I stand up, stretching my thumbs and brushing cookie crumbs off my pants.

They were actually really delicious and I had several. Rosalie opted out after two, but I can't imagine why. Maybe she's just used to her mother's cookies, and can have them whenever she wants.

"Bella Bear, don't leave me," Emmett whines from the ground. "Bells-and-Whistles? Belly-Button?"

I snort at the assortment of nicknames, hoping none of them actually stick.

"I'll see you later Emmett, I need a break from losing."

Alice squeals, grabs my hand, and drags me up the stairs.

She shuts and locks her room before disappearing into her large closet. And I mean large.

It's walk-in and the size of a whole other room.

She comes out carrying a pile of clothes so big that I can't see her face. She drops them on the bed.

"Here, take your clothes off and try these on."

I take a step back.

"Um, actually, I think I'm going to go play some more with Emmett."

She grabs my wrist with pleading eyes. "Come on, Bella, please? I wanna dress you up; you're always wearing the same thing and you could be a real knockout if you tried."

I tug on my wrist, wanting to leave now, but she's surprisingly strong. I'm getting really uncomfortable.

I don't like exposing my body any, especially in front of people. Whenever I have to change out for gym, I always use a stall. I really don't want to do this; I like my arms and legs covered.

But she's still pleading and holding onto my wrist, and I suddenly realize that she locked the door.

My heart speeds up.

It's stupid to fear Alice- I know this. She's so small, and a girl, and I know she would never hurt me.

But I don't want to do this... I don't want to... I don't... I don't want...

 _Please! I don't want to do this! Please please please stop; I don't want to!_

 _His touch is scalding, his rancid breath pants on my collar bone, and his sweaty hands grip my wrists too tight, to keep them from hitting him anymore._

 _"Please!" I choke. "Please stop."_

 _"You like this," he moans in my ear. "You want this."_

 _I don't! I don't want this; make it stop! I don't...I don't want... Please don't make me..._

Alice snatches her hand away like she'd been burned. Her eyes are wide, stunned, sorrowful. Guilty.

"You don't have... You know I won't make you do anything you don't want to, Bella. If you really don't want to, we'll do something else."

If I don't want... God, I'm so stupid; of course she won't make me do anything, and even if she did, it's clothes!

How could I even compare one of my angels to Him? Sweet, energetic Alice!

Guilt cramps the muscle in my chest.

"It's fine," I say, stumbling toward the pile of clothes and selecting something at random and go into the walk in closet. "I'll just change in here."

Her perfect brow is creased in worry. "You don't have-"

"I know," I say honestly. "I...want to."

I shut the closet door and hurriedly pull on the outfit my randomness had chosen.

It's a blue sundress that falls to my knees and leaves my arms exposed. I absolutely hate it; goose bumps break out along my skin, but I step out anyway and give a half-hearted twirl.

Rosalie is here now, I take notice, laying on her belly on the bed reading her magazine with cars on the front. She looks up as I stop spinning, and smiles.

Alice's own smile is wide and blinding, and I'm glad I put it on, though I would never leave this house with it.

She rushes forward, looking me up and down, and grabs my wrists to hold my arms out and get a better look.

Her hands are even colder on my bare skin and only serve to relax me more, until she gasps and turns my hand over.

An angry pink scar awfully mars the skin, and even I wince at seeing it.

I try to tug my hand away, to hide it, but Alice has that strong grip on me again, and Rosalie is across the room faster than should be possible.

Her hands flutter over my arm, unsure and not quite touching. Then she does touch it, just a finger, so very softly.

I look away, ashamed like I always am when people find out. It's an ugly reminder. It's ugly period and stands out obviously on my pale wrist.

Just another reason to wear long sleeves.

Cool petal lips caress my mutilated skin, and my eyes widen even as Rosalie lifts her head and pulls me into a too-tight hug. It's actually a little hard to breathe, but it loosens quickly to one of her normal gentle embraces.

"It's gonna be okay," she murmurs to me, her soothing cold spreading further through my body than normal, because of Alice's dress.

* * *

 **A/N: Sigh. So it's been a while... Geez, I haven't written anything in so long... I need to get back to it...**

 **Please review? Encouragement is currently need.**

 **~Silver**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Trigger Warning but to be honest this entire story is kind of triggering so I guess this is a late warning for the entire story.**

* * *

Soothing Cold

Chapter 5

 **BPOV**

"There's that dance coming up," Emmet mentions, sliding into the seat beside me. Which is odd because he usually sits on the other side of the table of Rosalie and I. "You're coming with me and Rose, right?"

I pause in my eating to think it over.

"If you want me too, I guess I can."

"Yes!" He cheers, pumping a fist.

It makes me smile as I tear a chunk off my pizza.

The chair across from us sarapes loudly as it's pulled out.

"That means you, me, and Rose get to go shopping!" Alice squeals, and again, it's very strange.

She usually stays with Jasper at the other table.

"Sure," I agree easily.

Ever since that first day at her house, I had been much more relaxed around them and let Alice play Barbie with me. For hours she would shove clothes into my hands and then shut me in the closet to change, while Rosalie lay on the bed, lazily reading a magazine and giving her own comments when I came out. She would do my hair in a new style every time while Alice did my makeup, and Emmet would poke his head in now and then to complain that they were hogging me.

Apparently, Rosalie never let Alice play dress up with her so I was being used to make up for lost time.

I didn't mind.

"You wanna go this Friday after school?" Rosalie asks.

"Oh, we can't, remember Rose?" Alice interrupts quickly. "We'll be camping tomorrow through Friday."

They exchange a look before turning back to me.

"Saturday? That way we have all day?" Alice suggests.

"As long as Rose is driving," I shudder. I had learned that they are all speed freaks and never go within forty miles of the actual speed limit, but Rosalie is the least crazy driver.

Rosalie grins at me as Alice pouts.

"We'll pick you up at twelve."

I nod and Emmet breaks in to talk about anything other than shopping, and I don't blame him. It is all a little overwhelming to hear about all the stores Alice is already planning for us to go to.

...

The next day is strange in the sense that it's not cloudy.

My room seems foreign when I wake up in the morning, the walls lit a different color than they normally appear to be, and Emmet or Rosalie are not knocking on my door the moment I finish eating breakfast.

I have to drive myself to school in my slow truck, which I haven't done in weeks, and I have to walk into school alone for the first time in just as long.

It doesn't actually seem real, because the students still part for me as if I still have a Cullen on my arm, and it seems even stranger to them now that I don't.

In third period, the boy, Mike, appears at my shoulder, all teeth and baby face.

"Isabella!" He greets much like he had on my first day. "So, the dance was coming up, and I was wondering if you'd go with me."

I frown. I've never even talked to him before; why would he ask me?

"Sorry," I mumble. "I'm already going with Rosalie and Emmet."

His eyes widen in disbelief. "Like, all together? As a couple?"

"As friends," I answer, growing even more confused.

"But," he sputters, "don't you think you'll be intruding on their date?"

"Date?" And I finally get it... I think. "Rosalie and Emmet are just friends. Best friends. It would be so weird if they we dating," I scrunch up my face, trying to imagine it. I can only ever see them as best friends. That would be like if Alice and Edward dated; just too weird.

…

The chair across from me screeches, and I look up with a ready smile, but it drops quickly. I had forgotten that the Cullens are out today, so of course it's not Rose sitting down next to me and Emmet across from us.

It's two girls that I don't recognize.

One with mousy brown hair, the other with golden wheat.

Mousy brown hair gives me a friendly smile while golden wheat just glares.

"So where are the Cullens, they not take you on their camping trip?" Mousy brown hair asks innocently.

"We'll, it's a family camping trip..." I trail off, not sure if she really doesn't get it, or if she's trying to be mean.

"So you're not family to them? I thought you guys have gotten pretty close, but apparently not," golden wheat breaks in from across the table with a mean grin.

"I guess we are pretty close, but it's a _family_ camping trip," I stress the word, because they're clearly not getting it. "You don't take friends on outings made for family bonding."

Mousy hair stands up and slaps the table in front of me hard. I flinch at her close proximity; she's leaning in close and I can feel her hot breath on my chin.

I had grown so used to the coolness, the cold, that this sudden dose of reality has my heart racing.

"Your a freak, just like them; no wonder they attached themselves to you," she hisses and stalks away with golden wheat following after her.

No longer with an appetite, I push my tray away and wait for the bell to end lunch.

Saturday can't come soon enough, and when I open my door to see Alice, my body breathes a sigh of relief. I launch into her arms with a hug, causing her to laugh her bell-chiming giggle.

"Miss me?" She teases as Rosalie lays on the horn.

She's lucky Charlie already left for Billy's or he'd be having words with her.

When Alice opens the passenger door for me, I see her expression. It's that odd one that she sometimes gets, with her eyes slightly narrowed at Alice as she climbs into the back.

I reach over and give the blond a hug as well, and the look is gone, replaced with ocher eyes and a soft smile that can't belong to a flawed human. No, that kind of smile can only come from an angel, as I've said so many times before.

She then takes off like a demon in her shiny red car (I know she's told me a hundred times what kind of car it is, but I'm just not a car person).

We reach Seattle in half the time it would take any sane driver and are soon being herded into a shop by Alice.

With all of us working together, we find my dress relatively quickly, like within an hour, but Rosalie takes much longer.

We finally find hers in the third store she tries on (as in, she tried on every single dress in the two previous stores). Of course, hers turned out to be a red number, though I can't give you the specifics as I know nothing about close except how to put them on, and with some of those dresses, even that was a struggle.

But no, even with the three hours it took to find Rosalie her dress, Alice is the difficulty. Not because she doesn't look good in anything, but because she insists on trying everything on in every store, and then choosing the one she likes the best.

I look up from the uncomfortable plastic chair as the changing room door opens again, and I'm once again rendered speechless.

You'd think I'd have grown used to Rosalie's perfectness by now, but it still seems to shock me every time. When I tell her that, she gives me that soft angel smile and twirls back into the stall.

Even she had grown bored waiting for Alice, so she had taken to trying on more dresses for entertainment.

I glance over at Alice, unsurprised to find that the only part I can see of her, is her feet. Half the store is piled in her arms and she's still snatching up more.

I stand from my chair, stretching all the kinks from my muscles and call into the changing room, "Hey, you finish up here with Alice; I'll meet you at the restaurant."

"Where you going?" Rosalie calls out, tossing a black dress to hang over the stall door.

"I think I saw a book store a few blocks over and I need some new books."

I had taken up reading again, but I've read the books in my room so many times that all I'm reading is words now. It's not interesting anymore.

"La Bella Italiana?" I ask just to make sure.

"Yeah, just down the street from here."

"Cool," I say, slipping on a sweater.

It's dark out now, and it has been for a while. The last glace at a clock told me it was after seven but that was a while ago.

I cross my arms over my chest, duck my head, and start walking.

Straight, turn left, go right, pause, turn around, go right, walk some more, turn around again, go left, turn around again, turn around again, turn around again.

Panic leaps into my chest the moment I realize I have absolutely no idea where I am. The lights of Seattle all seem to have winked out and the street seems absolutely deserted.

I start walking in the direction I can hear cars, but pause when I hear a scraping noise behind me.

My pulse leaps to my throat as I take a quick glance behind me to see three men looking quite drunk.

"Hey!" One calls out to me, and I freeze like the stupid person I am.

Then I start walking faster and turn down an alley.

The footsteps behind me pick up as well, and a quick glance tells me that it was just the one guy who called out to me. My palms feel slick with a nervous sweat.

Maybe the others didn't want any part of this. Maybe they left.

As I turn a corner, I take off running and the footsteps behind grow louder, faster, as well until I turn a corner and my legs lock.

The others didn't leave at all, but went ahead to block me off.

"Hey," the guy behind me pants slightly, suddenly appearing so much closer than I would have guessed.

I jerk away as he lays a hot hand on my shoulder and the others chuckle.

"Awe, don't be like that. We just want to say hello."

I turn to try to run but the shortest guy is there, still towering above me, and pushing me to the other.

I do the most logical thing I can think of: open my mouth and scream, hoping someone would hear.

The speaker of the group laughs at me, reaches out, and yanks my sweater from my shoulders.

I yelp as my arm is wrenched at an awkward position, and then lunge at my attacker, swinging a fist as hard as I can.

He knocks it to the side and punches me so hard in the face that the earth is yanked from under my feet and I land hard on the concrete.

More and more panic seizes me, rendering my body immobile and stars that are usually hidden behind clouds, dance behind my eyes.

Why is this happening? Why is this always happening?

I kick out screaming and thrashing and hitting anything I can as several hands pull me to my feet, yank at my shirt, my pants, rip them off my legs until the freezing air hits my sex.

I'm shoved to the ground, and it bites unforgivingly into my palms and bare knees.

Hyper aware, I hear the clink of a buckle and the distinct buzz of a zipper.

Then hot hands, sweaty hands, poisonous hands are clutching at my exposed skin, running down my legs like it's a treasure (or disposable trash) and pressing into me, entering me, violating me in torturous familiarity.

Terror, still, has my heart in my throat and I know, as I knew when they first surrounded me, as I knew each time my bedroom door closed behind Him, that there never really was any escape to the things that happen next.

Satisfied with his sick and unwanted foreplay, or perhaps just eager to move to the part that follows, he clutches onto my wildly thrashing and squirming hips and pulls my butt back into his pelvis, grinding his thick and hard into me with a low pleased moan.

I immediately still.

I know this part, know it as well as a nightly routine, and I know the pain that follows. If I thrash, it does nothing but cause more movement, pleasure for him and pain for me. If I just lay there and let him do as he wishes, it hurts slightly less.

So I lay there, cheek against the scraping ground that steadily pools with my tears, butt degradingly in the air as he prepares to finally give in to his desire, rolling his sickening heat leisurely against me.

One of the other guys is kneeled in front of me, pants pooling around his knees, and he grabs my chin and forces my head up at an awkward angle. He is large, larger than Him- I know his size very well- and he presses himself against my face, past my lips, and his thick is choking me along with my own traitorous heart. He tugs my hair unsympathetically, groaning, and I can feel his throb on my tongue.

The last guy is to my left, unhooking my bra and pinching hard at my nipples and groping.

I have had all this, suffered it countless times, but it was always one man doing these things, not three all at once, all with matching venomous skin touching, touching, _violating_.

The man behind me removes one hand from my inner leg to steady his pulsing throb against my long ago stolen innocence. He shifts his hips forward slightly, mockingly as he laughs, and my scream isn't even able to form as I squeeze my eyes shut tight, the flow of tears never able or willing to cease.

Then there is a grunt and two screams that, for once, are not my own.

They vanish, ripped out of my mouth and breast and sex, leaving only the taste and the imprinted brand of their forceful touch.

I collapse forward, unable hold myself from the weakness of hopelessness. Tears continue to make rivets in silence as I had learned to do, air stubbornly alluding my lungs as I fight off the sobs that threaten to shake my entire being.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" A voice curses, an edge of hysteria ringing in the suddenly silent abandoned neighborhood.

Cold numbs my fingers and all the way down to my toes. The voice, familiar and different and comforting and terrifying.

"Bella?"

Cold hands, such a relief, grab my shoulders and flip me, practically pulling me into a stony lap.

The fire behind my eyes intensifies, squeezing them closed with unyielding power, but I force them open to meet obsidian eyes.

"Bella," she breathes, pure agony collapsing Rose's face. She pulls me into her, face pressed to her chest, squeezing almost too tight yet not tight enough.

And right then, I realize there's no point in staying quiet because there is no one around to hear other than my friend. So I'm finally able to suck in the much needed breath, and a heaving sob shakes my body, rocking it unpleasantly with the cold harsh reality of everything.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!**

 **~Silver**


	6. Chapter 6

Soothing Cold

 **BPOV**

Chapter 6

My throat is raw but it is still able to make a an odd hiccup/choking noise. I try to breathe, but my chest won't rise enough to take in the needed air.

"Hey, hey, hey," Rosalie whispers, an angel's voice in a nightmare. Her cold hands, comforting cold touch, brushes against my damp cheek and push back my hair. "Honey, breathe. It's okay; breathe."

I'm sweating, but my body feels numb with cold and I'm still naked. I'm still naked and being held by Rosalie, but I can't find it in me to care.

She takes one look at my face and starts rocking me again.

How did she even find me? How did she know to find me?

At one point she's pulling me to my feet, somehow supporting my entire weight as she collects my clothing articles.

"Rose..." I say, my eyes dully taking in the scene around me.

Three bodies are crumpled to the ground, pants around their ankles and necks twisted at an odd angle. I instinctively know that they're dead.

I can't even dredge up the guilt for feeling relieved.

Rosalie immediately shields them from view, concern written on her face.

"I'm fine," I choke out, hurriedly pulling on my pants and shirt.

"You're fine," she agrees.

We both seem to be trying to convince ourselves that it's true.

She pulls me into her arms, and I don't mind. I like her arms, I like her cold.

"Close you're eyes," she whispers and I do immediately.

Then it seems like seconds later she's laying me down in the back seat of her car and she's driving away.

I make a noise in my throat. "Where's Alice?"

"I asked her to hang back. She's got some things to take care of and will call a taxi to get home." She looks back at me and gives a minuscule smile. "Try to get some sleep if you can."

...

I'm screaming. Screaming at the top of my lungs and flailing, hitting anything that comes into contact with my fist.

Hands catch my wrists, restraining, and I freak even more.

"Bella, Bella, Bella; Honey it's okay!" Soft ringing voice. "It's okay, it's just me; wake up, Honey."

My eyes snap open, and my brain processes the cold hands on my wrist, not restrained, but held, and in a car, not a dark alley.

I sit up fast and look around. We are back at the Cullen's house.

"Come on, Honey. You're spending the night tonight and Carlisle wants to check you over."

Carlisle. He's a doctor. Of course she would tell her father; I can only hope that they don't tell Charlie.

Rosalie looks hesitant to touch me now, like if she did I'd scream. Or is it because she knows that I'm dirty? Knows that I'm broken? I look up at her agony filled eyes, and don't want her to know of my missing pieces.

She reaches out, and pulls me into her. I cling to her, not wanting her to let me go, and she scoops me into her arms and carries me like I weigh nothing.

We go into the house, past a hovering Esme, and up the stares into Rosalie's room where Carlisle is waiting.

I'm calmer now, because this is normal, what almost happened to me has been done over a hundred times, and it's okay. Because I'm not there anymore, with my angels. My mind has floated away like it normally does, and everything else doesn't exist because of it.

Everything that touches me isn't real.

"Bella, I know this is hard," Carlisle says softly kneeling in front of me. "But can you take your shirt off? I need to see the damage."

 _Let me show you some real fun. Take your clothes off._

That's not hard. It's not real so it doesn't matter.

I tug at my shirt, and Rosalie gently helps me pull it over my head. My bra is somewhere else; maybe back on that dark street.

Rosalie hisses- an actual hiss. Blue and purple handprints cover my chest.

I feel like I'm watching from a distance as Carlisle carefully examine the bruises without touching, and then prods my ribs where it looks like a foot kicked me.

He sits back and Rosalie is suddenly covering me with her robe. I know it's hers because it smells just like her.

Carlisle gives Rosalie a meaningful look, and she strokes my cheek.

"Honey, he needs to take a look down there now. Can you do that?"

When the cool air hits my sex again, I draw back even further into myself. Now I'm not aware of anything. No words, no actions. I just stare at the blue wall of Rosalie's room with tears drying in tracks on my cheeks.

I blink my eyes and I'm in the shower at the Cullen's house, watching pink swirl down the drain. Cold hands counteract the warm water, a gentle scrubbing over my multi-colored flesh.

I blink again and I'm in Rose's bed, alone, and staring up at the shadowed ceiling.

The next time I open my eyes, the room is lit with a grey light from the windows, and I've forgotten that I'm not really there.

My muscles feel a little sore, but I rise from Rosalie's bed and pad down the stairs where everyone surly is.

Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett all appear at the bottom of the steps as I come down, all looking concerned.

I smile.

"The food smells great Esme, is it ready?"

"Um, oh, yes dear; are you hungry?"

"Starved," I grin following her into the kitchen.

"Bella," Alice asks hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Let me guess, you guys already ate?" I tease referring to how they always eat before I get there.

I know what they are asking, and I remember what happened yesterday, but I don't know how to deal with confrontations.

No one has ever known or stopped what has happened before and all I know is pretending. I just have to hold off my feelings until I get home.

"How are you feeling today, Bella?" Carlisle asks. "Any soreness?"

A lot of soreness, but that's nothing new.

"Well, this tape thing you've got on my face is pretty itchy." I scratch idly at the scrape on my cheek, being careful with the bruise just underneath it.

He never hit me in the face before, never gave me something I couldn't cover up.

A cool hand rests on my shoulder, and I lean into it, looking up into Rosalie's dark eyes. "Honey?" She asks, and I really like that endearment.

"I'm fine," I say again, and by the looks of it, we all know that I'm lying through my teeth.

...

"What happened to your cheek?"

I curl further into myself, hugging my knees close to my chest.

"I scraped it on the ground," I answer honestly, staring at the dull walls. They are still plain and unadorned as they've been for months. Maybe I should sneak in and repaint it while no one is here.

My therapist nods and jots something down on that pad of his.

He looks up at me, brown eyes calm and searching.

"How have you been?"

"Fine."

"How are Rosalie and Emmett?"

"We're going to the school dance together."

"All three of you?"

"They aren't dating."

We lapse into silence and he just watches me stare at the wall.

"Has something happened?"

"A lot of things happen."

"Something bad?" He amends.

"Nothing that hasn't happened before."

"Like what?"

I'm silent and he sighs.

"Are you excited about the dance?"

"I guess."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

"A lot of things happen."

He sighs. I hug myself tighter.

* * *

 **A/N: So this update is pretty quick, but you guys are really inspiring me to keep writing. I know stuff just keeps happening to Bella but on the bright side, the bad guys were stopped before hand. No one has ever stopped them before and that might be good for her to see.**

 **Thanks so much for reading and please review this chapter too!**

 **~Silver**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I apologize sincerely for saying they were stopped beforehand. I know that all she went through with those guys was just as bad as anything else that was going to happen, I know this and I apologize if I made it seem less significant or traumatizing than it actually is. I meant that her would be rapist never actually managed to, er, _enter_ her with his _thing_ and no one has ever stopped what was happening before. They were not stopped _before_ hand, they were just stopped before they could do anything _more_.**

 **Again, I apologize.**

* * *

Soothing Cold

Chapter 7

The wind that gently pulls at my clothes is biting with cold, and I can smell the rain on the ground and air and trees. Nature has a different scent when it is wet.

My fingers slip along the slick surface of metal railing, and then clutch until my knuckles turn white.

I sniff, choking on a sob and staring down off the bridge to the ground far below.

I was an idiot to forget about Him, to forget about what happens to me and why I'm here in the first place. My angels saved me, made me happy, made me forget.

I shouldn't have forgotten. It hurts so much more.

I step onto the railing, my bare feet soaking up the cold. I hadn't planned to come here, to get up in the middle of the night after a nightmare, and go for a drive.

I hadn't planned to see this bridge, to park, and to stand here now in the rain.

I close my eyes tight against the burning liquid in them, allowing the tears from the sky to wash them away.

Ghosting hands are real as I feel them glide along my skin, sometimes caressing with loving words whispered against my flesh, and sometimes forceful with frantic and eager haste. The wind tugs on my clothes like hands and water moistens my lips like stolen kisses.

He wasn't always forceful- only when I fought. Most of the time, it was gentle and slow caresses, kind whispers, and loving lips that kissed away my tears. I hated those times the most, because I just let it happen. I didn't tell him no. I didn't want it, but I didn't tell him no. I just...float away and wait for it to be over.

I should have fought harder. I shouldn't have let it happen. I should have... I should have... it's my fault.

God, it hurts. My fingers clench white on the rail as I struggle to swallow down the lump lodged in my air-way.

And Port Angeles! How stupid was I to wander off! That was just asking for it!

But then Rosalie was there. She stopped them. She saved me. That's never happened before. She _saved_ me.

I can feel my angel's presence now, it's like I can smell her, feel the ghost of her cool breath on my neck, and I do something that hurts even more. I shove away from the ledge, off the rail, back onto the bridge.

I turn away from the drop, clutching my sides to hold myself together, and slosh back to my red truck just idling in the middle of the road.

My angels won't let me jump. They must be demons.

...

We left the dance early. The three of us arrived, I ate a few chips, and then ten minutes later, we left.

The music was loud and the entire school was packed into the gymnasium. There were too many people brushing up against me, too much body heat making my palms sweat, so I clung to Rosalie and, when she left briefly to talk to her siblings, Emmett.

And ten minutes later we walked back to Rosalie's over-the-top car and drove back to my house.

I never thought I was a cuddler. For a while now, I shied away from all form of contact.

But I'm very comfy curled into Rose with my bare legs resting over Emmett's lap. I don't know how they are always so cold, but I just burry myself deeper into their holds, wishing I could stay there forever.

We just talk for a long time, or I fall silent and listen to them talk, or we sit in silence altogether.

A few hours later, Charlie gets home and I raise my head from Rosalie's shoulder.

"Hi Daddy," I yawn tiredly, and the cool hands playing with my fingers, still.

Charlie does a double take when he sees us, scrutinizing our positions.

"Can Rose and Emmett spend the night?" I ask, burrowing deeper into the blond. "It's pretty late."

"Um," he rubs his mustache uncomfortably, and then he just stares at me. "Yeah, sure. But I want _him_ on the floor."

"Okay," I accept easily.

Emmett stops rubbing my feet and gently sets them on the ground.

I stagger to my feet, swaying slightly in drowsiness before I'm steadied with a cold hand pressing lightly to my back.

"Come on, Honey, let's get you to bed."

"I need to see if Charlie has anything more comfortable for Emmett to wear," I mumble, going to the opposite side of the hall.

I find some old sweats and an overly large hoodie to bring with me.

Rosalie turns her back so I can change, and she dresses as well into some sweats and a long sleeve I let her borrow. When I see her, I can't help giggling.

It's something she would never actually wear, but somehow, she makes my simple ugly clothes look stunning.

She gives a playful scowl, before replacing it with a smile and climbing into my bed. She holds the covers up invitingly, so I leap to the mattress when I get a few feet away, so nothing can reach out from underneath to grab my ankle.

Rosalie gives that silent laugh that is just an amused quirk of lips and a short puff of air. I scoot closer into her, wrapping my arms around her waist, and she gently brushes her fingers through my hair.

It's so soothing that my eyelids almost immediately start to droop and my mind struggles to stay coherent.

With her arms secured around me, it's the first time in years that I'm not afraid to fall asleep. Afraid that I'll wake up to someone else pulling my covers back in the dark and crawling in with me.

Rosalie will protect me. She _has_ protected me.

"I love you, Rose," the whisper escapes me half consciously. "I love you." My fingers clench in the shirt I gave her as my door quietly opens and closes. A body settles noisily into the makeshift bed I made up on the floor per my father's instructions, and the fingers that had stilled in my hair at my admission, resume their comforting path through the locks even as the arm around my back tightens.

"I love you too, Bella," she responds just as quietly, and her nose nuzzles my hairline, breathing in shakily. "So much." Her voice becomes even lower as my exhausted consciousness slips away. "You have no idea how much you have come to mean to me."

...

 **RPOV**

If I had a beating heart, it would be thrumming fast in my chest.

I stare down at the human girl in my arms, so comfortable and secure feeling in the dead limbs of a vampire when she is so terrified of being around humans. Humans who have hurt her so bad, yet she had smiled at us and pretended what happened were normal.

Her warm breath puffs against my collar, bringing me comfort as I stare down at her eerily still form, and if I had a beating heart, it would be pounding in my throat, but all that is lodged there are the tears that can never fall.

"Emmett," I croak quietly, and he is raising from the floor to sooth his hand over my back. "I don't think it was just once. Before Port Angeles- I don't think it was just once."

"I know," he murmurs, and I glance up to see his face pinched in concern and staring at the sleeping human. Bella had grown on all of us very quickly, like she is already one of our own.

Emmett reaches out and very gently eases his hand over Bella's hair, and she doesn't flinch or panic at the cold touch. It's the only reason that I can think of why she would let us touch her. The cold. Because it is so different than the human touch. I used to hate that this body is so different than a human's.

All I wanted to do was _live_ and Bella came to me wanting to die.

I close my eyes with that image of her flashing in my mind, of a dark street and pouring rain and the smell of her idling truck. I was sure she was going to jump as she stepped onto the rail- Alice saw it. I was sure Port Angeles had ruined all the progress we had made in helping Bella. She was going to jump- Alice had seen it; she wanted to die again, but I couldn't let her.

I had seen her muscles tense and I had reached out to pull her into me, but then she pushed herself away and back onto the bridge. She didn't jump. And even sobbing and looking like she was coming apart, I could only watch from the trees as she climbed back into her truck and drove home.

She chose to live. She has never hesitated before. Are we really making a difference?

"Emmett," I call softly, "Are we making a difference?"

He glances up at me briefly before repositioning himself on the bed to lean against the back wall without his hand ever leaving the human.

"I think we are," he muses. "You see how she is around the humans. She wouldn't have anyone to talk to because she can't stand to be around them. We're making a difference Rosie. Especially you."

I return my gaze to Bella's face, noting how even in sleep it is fraught with unease.

She is unmoving the entire night until at some point in the early morning when she seems to draw away and curl into herself. An unintelligible mumble falls from her and she twists her body, straining as if in pain.

"Bella," I coo softly, and reach out for her shoulder to gently shake her awake, but she gasps out a sob and flinches away, twisting again and getting her legs tangled in the sheets.

"No, no, please," her mumble becomes coherent before once again dropping off unintelligibly.

I meet Emmett's eyes and he wearily rises from the floor, the place he had taken not long ago when Charlie came to check on us.

"Hey, Bella-bear," he tries, crouching next to the bed. "Come on; you can wake up now."

"Mommy, please," she cries. "Don't let him do this."

She thrashes wildly, straining against invisible holds, arching her chest high towards the ceiling to fee herself from the sheets binding her legs.

I can't help myself. Even though I know it might make her worse, I reach out and tug her back into me, place my cheek flush against hers in hopes that she will recognize the cold touch.

"Bella, it's okay. I have you; you are safe. I won't let anyone hurt you. You are safe and I love you, and Emmett loves you, and no one can hurt you anymore."

Her body slowly, hesitantly, sags against me with a deep sigh. "Rose," she murmurs before dropping off into her dead sleep once again.

After several minutes, I glance up to meet my best friend's eyes with pursed lips and anger simmering in the tips of my fingers.

Whoever had done this to the young girl, if they aren't dead already, I'm going to kill them.

The look in Emmett's eyes tells me that he won't do anything to stop me. He might even help.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys, thanks so much for reading. I'm hopping some more progress will happen in the next chapter or the one after that. Um... oh, I don't believe I'm going to make Victoria or her coven a part of this story; this is all going to be about Bella and the Cullens.**

 **(With this chapter, I kind of feel like I'm writing and Emmett/Bella/Rosalie story. Would you guys be okay with that? Prefer it? Or just no? I'm still not entirely sure how I'm going to get some Rosalie romance in here; Bella's kind of too messed up at the moment to even think about the possibility... oh, what to do...)**

 **~Silver~**


	8. Chapter 8

Soothing Cold

Chapter 8

 **BPOV**

It has been a long time since I woke up without my heart in my throat, tangled in the sheets, or paralyzed and sure that someone was creeping into my room- unable to move, twitch, or scream.

When I wake up, it's with a strange peaceful feeling, alien in its own right. A soft feather touch strokes my cheek, sending goose flesh along my arms from the cold, and my face is pressed against cool marble. The accompanying smell is familiar and comforting- floral, ironically enough.

"Morning, Honey," a musical voice chimes softly next to my ear.

"Rose," I mumble, pleased, and snuggle closer. It's been a long time since I woke up feeling so safe.

Rosalie chuckles, and presses her petal lips into my hair.

"I want to take you out today. Just us. We can you anything you want."

A warm feeling builds in my chest allowing a break of relief from the ever-present fear that shadows the back of my mind.

"What about Emmett?" I ask, shifting to look to the pile of blankets on the floor, but they are already neatly folded and placed on the rocking chair.

There is a hesitant pause as Rosalie readjusts to my new position, cautiously draping and arm over my waist. She looks to me for permission, and I automatically nod, tugging her hand to cradle against my chest.

"I suppose he can come if you want. He's entertaining Charlie downstairs at the moment, but I was going to drop him off before we left."

"No," I say quickly before pausing. "I'd... I'd like it if it was just us."

"Good," she says with an obvious smile in her voice. "Now, we should get up and eat breakfast. Poor Emmett is getting an inquisition from Charlie on what his 'relationship' is with his daughter and what his 'intentions' are."

My cheeks immediately warm, and I scramble with wide eyes to grab some clothes and get to the bathroom. Rosalie's laugh follows me, and my blush flushes even more.

"Bella!" My dad greets as I cautiously enter the kitchen. He is at the stove, which is cause for suspicion enough, but Rosalie and Emmett sitting at my mundane kitchen table is somehow an odd sight. Emmett smiles at me, casually leaning with folded arms against the table in his tux from yesterday.

Rosalie is still in my pajama assemble, but her dress is draped across the back of her chair.

"You are just in time for breakfast," Charlie smiles at me, removing a pan of eggs from the stovetop. "Have a seat."

I settle next to Rose feeling like I had stepped into an alternate universe.

He places several plates on the table filled with eggs and bacon. No one comments when he hands me four small white pills and a glass of orange juice. I down my antidepressants and anxiety medication quickly and with only slight embarrassment.

"Smells great, Chief Swan!" Emmett compliments with a little more enthusiasm than I suspect to be natural.

Charlie nods in thanks and digs into his food, and I feel more that this isn't a dream when he reverts to his usual awkward self.

"So," he clears his throat, "What are your guys' plans for today?"

"I'm taking Bella to Seattle," Rosalie informs, hesitantly picking up her fork.

"That sounds fun. I don't think you've even been to Seattle before."

"No," I answer softly to his questioning look.

"I'm probably going to try to drag my brothers to play video games with me," Emmett informs, digging a hole in his eggs.

Charlie finishes his plate and stands up from the table.

"Well, you kids have fun... Oh," he turns from the sink to look at me, "Bella, Christmas break is coming up and your mother wants to know if you are going to visit for it."

Go back? My heart starts to pound and there is a noise like roaring waves muffling out sound.

"I told Rosalie I would spend Christmas Eve and New Year with them," the lie falls from my lips from a distance and without thought.

Back to Phoenix? Where He is?

I swallow thickly.

I can feel both of my friends' attention turn fully on me, curiously. Studying.

A beat of worry doesn't have a chance to pass before Rosalie is agreeing without hesitation.

"Esme is planning a big dinner that my family would never be able to finish on our own. You are welcome to join us as well, Chief Swan."

"Esme loves cooking for other people," Emmett continues without pause, sounding truly genuine.

That warm feeling I had this morning comes back again as I look at my two best friends. We are all aware that we never at any point talked about winter break for them to have invited me over. Yet without pause or question, they lie for me.

The emotion overtakes my initial panic (or perhaps it is just my anxiety meds kicking in).

"That sounds really nice," Charlie admits. "I'll keep that in mind."

The conversation for him ends and he disappears into the living room.

"You ready to go?" Rosalie asks, drawing my attention back to her. I'm surprised. There is concern in her eyes, but it doesn't seem like she's going to ask why I lied now that Charlie is out of the room. I'm grateful.

"Yeah," I clear my throat and stand with my empty plate.

Rosalie and Emmett both stand, dishes nearly untouched, and dump the remains in the trash before placing them in the sink. Like they did for me, I don't question the odd behavior- though for them, it doesn't seem too odd. Do angels have to eat?

Because that's what they are- I know it. They are not human; little clues told me that. For some reason, god must see me as important, or saw how much I have suffered, and he sent down angels to protect me.

They can't be human. They are too kind- too good, and that's the most obvious clue.

 _And that Rose doesn't have a heartbeat_ , I think as she slips her hand into mine.

I should be able to feel the faint thrum against my palm, but it's as absent as it was when I had my face pressed against her chest last night, or even an hour ago.

"I'll only be a moment," Rosalie tells me as we walk through the front door of her house, and she slips upstairs to change out of her sleep clothes.

Esme comes out of the kitchen to greet me with a hug and smile, and her expression holds earnest compassion.

"Bella, how are you doing?" She asks with more concern than could accompany just a casual greeting.

I grimace, remembering being carried up the stairs that day, Esme hovering just out of the way. I had been too out of it to acknowledge her then. I had been too out of it to acknowledge much of anything- even time passing.

"I am better," I tell her, feeling the truth in the answer.

Her smile smooths out into relief, believing me.

"Good- that's good-"

She doesn't get a chance to say anything else as her eldest daughter descends the stairs looking like she spent and hour in front of the mirror rather than five minutes.

"Ready to go?" Rosalie asks as she reaches my side.

"Yup."

She grins as we make our way back to her car and settle in for the long drive.

"So," she says, and I look over at her profile, wondering if this is when she asks why she lied to my father for me. I really should know better by now. "What do you want to do when we get to Seattle? We can go the Space Needle, look in the shops, go to the museums? We can do everything if you want."

My angel- everything good and kind.

Ever since my first day she has been here, holding my hand, helping me through. She didn't cringe away when she saw my scar, she didn't abandon me in that street. She still loves me, even however messed up I am- even knowing some of it.

She glances over at me when I don't immediately answer, before returning her eyes to the road.

"It's happened before," I tell her softly, trying not to let my mind drift from my body because of the topic.

Her eyes dart back to me and hold, unwavering.

"I've been..." my eyes lower from her gold gaze to stare hard at the steering wheel, noting how hard my friend is clenching her hands. A crack spiders out from under one of her palms. "What those guys did- in Port Angeles... it wasn't the first time something like that happened to me. The guy that did it is in Phoenix- that's why I didn't want to go back."

One of her hands release the wheel and reaches out to me, and I immediately latch onto it.

"I was gang raped a long time ago," Rosalie reveals slowly after several minutes spent in silence. My hands spasm around hers in shock, before clenching hard at her fingers. My eyes lift sharply to a saddened honey gaze. "They left me in the street for dead, and I would have died if Carlisle hadn't found me. He saved me, and then adopted me."

Her attention shifts back to the road for a moment, then returns to me.

I don't know what to say. What _do_ you say? What do I want someone to say to _me_?

"It's not your fault," I whisper. That's what I want someone to tell me- that's what I want to be true.

"I know," she says just as softly. "Now. I didn't believe it at first- just like I know you won't believe it right now, but I'm going to tell you anyway. What happened to you, both times, any time, is not your fault either. And I'm going to be here to say it as many times as it takes before you start believing it too. No matter when it happened, or how it happened, or however many times it happened, it is not your fault."

I swallow down the tears building in my throat, and attempt a watery smile.

"So, um…" I clear my throat, sniffing. "I think I'd like to visit the Space Needle."

Rosalie turns back to the road, but doesn't move to take her hand out of mine. She squeezes my fingers silently.

"Okay, what else do you want to do? I think I want to take you to this library that they have; it's huge and-"

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys, so, BAM! Bella finally told someone. Kind of. A little bit.**

 **Just out of curiosity, do you guys have a guess of who Bella's tormentor is? Old boyfriend, neighbor, stranger, someone she knows? I wont confirm or deny any of your guesses.**

 **(p.s. All of your reviews have been heard; don't worry, this will stay as just a Bella/Rosalie fic. Emmett will remain as the best friend.)**

 **~Silver~**


	9. Chapter 9

Soothing Cold

Chapter 9

 **BPOV**

I stare out the window blankly, watching the world blur by outside. I feel detached, mindless, as the back of my mind tickles in familiarity.

The road, wet as it is, is easily recognizable. Every tree that passes the fogged glass, every pot hole the cruiser hits, sparks a memory of years before. It's a path I had taken daily back when I used to visit every summer and Christmas.

Even now, after all that's happened, an old excitement has me impatient for arrival.

And we do arrive with the rain an ever-present screen, and the house is just as I remember it- only, the boy standing at the door is very different than the one I left behind.

Even if he is taller, muscles bigger, that smile is the same as it's always been.

I fumble with the handle of the cruiser door, before stepping with a splash onto the gravel driveway.

"Brother," I greet with a grin, memories of my best friend and adventures flooding to the front of my mind.

"Brother," he greets back and before I know it, I'm wrapped in an embrace.

I stiffen automatically, heart thumping double time, and after a moment, I push him lightly away.

Jake easily extends me to arm length, smile only broadening, as he looks me up and down.

"Damn, Coon, you went and turned into a girl." Even though he is only thirteen, he's already caught up to me in height.

"So have you, Wolf," I tease back, tugging on a lock of his long hair.

He laughs loudly, and it's a sound that I've missed these past three years.

"Bella," a voice calls, and I turn to the man on the porch, sitting in a wheel chair.

"Uncle Billy," I smile widely and go to him, carefully accepting a stiff but quick hug from him.

"It's good to see you, Bella; you should have visited sooner."

"I know, I'm sorry," I blush regretfully.

"Well, come on in. We can get dinner ready shortly."

I pass him into the house, looking around as I take the familiar path to the main room.

Everything about this place brings back nostalgia- the feel of the creaky floor underfoot, the small tear on the arm of the couch, and the smell of tobacco and fried food.

"So where are Rat and Owl?" I ask as the other three make their way out of the rain.

Jacob flops onto the couch without ceremony and I find myself automatically taking the floor like I had done thousands of times before. Billy and Charlie head into the kitchen to talk and get dinner ready.

"Embry and Quil are around. You should visit more, and we can hang out like we used to- get into mischief, go on an adventure."

"Yeah," I agree, surprised when my body starts to relax without me prompting it too. The atmosphere has me spiraling back to simpler times before the last two years happened. Laying here, like this, I almost feel like I used to.

We used to run around butt naked together- we called ourselves brothers, and we _were_ that in every sense but blood. I grew up on this reservation and heard all the legends, and was seen as one of them.

I used to belong here before I didn't feel like I could belong anywhere. I miss those days.

The rug tickles the palms of my hands as I run my fingers through it, contemplating what my life was and what it had turned into. What if I had never stopped coming during the summer?

It wasn't intentional. The first time, mom had planned a vacation so I could get to know her boyfriend that was becoming serious. The next summer, we went to Mexico for the wedding. After that... I don't know why. And now I'm finally back here again.

"We should do something," I interrupt whatever story he was telling me of a prank he and Embry pulled on Quil last year.

Jacob looks over at me quizzically. "What- now?"

I snort. "No. Later. Have you been to the cove recently?"

"Uh, no actually." He rubs the back of his neck. "That last time we went was, I think, with you."

I sit up in my uncharacteristic excitement. "We should go at some point- get the gang back together."

"Leah hasn't really been hanging out much, recently, since she got a boyfriend. An older guy, too: Sam; he just graduated or something."

I frown. Leah is only a year older than me.

"Well, just us four then."

"That sounds fun," Jacob grins.

...

"So, I went to see Jacob yesterday."

There is a shuffling of papers.

"And Jacob is..."

"My best friend. Well, he was my best friend when we were little. I used to play with him and some other boys down on the res every day when I was here."

My therapist writes something down on his clipboard.

"And this was the first time you've been to see him? How was it?"

I can't help smiling slightly. "It was really nice. I didn't realize how much I've missed him." I sink further into the cushions, feeling uncomfortable, but with a growing acceptance, of his unwavering stare.

"Do you like this boy? Romantically, I mean?"

My nose instantly scrunches up just with the suggestion, and bile rises alarmingly in my throat.

"Goss, no, we're brothers."

The man pauses. "Brothers. You realize you are a girl."

"So?" I frown, tugging a throw pillow into my arms.

He taps his pen thoughtfully on his chin, and several minutes laps in silence. Finally, his pen lowers to his notes and he leans back in his chair.

"Do you, perhaps, feel body dysmorphia? Like you look in a mirror and you think your body isn't the way it should be?"

My eyes roll. "I'm not trans."

"It's perfectly normal if you have these feelings and it does often lead to depression, anxiety, and sometimes suicide."

"Now you're just jumping," I scoff. "Sure it would be easier if I was one, but I don't wish I was a guy."

He scribbled furiously on his clipboard, and I sigh, defeated.

...

"Bye, dad," I call as I pass the living room on my way out the door.

"You going to Rosalie's?" He asks absently staring at the game on the television.

"Yeah; I'll be back for dinner."

"Alright, have fun- oh!" I pause as he turns all his attention fully to me, twisting in his chair. "Your mom called earlier. Her and Phil are coming up here for Christmas." The crowd cheers on the screen, and he quickly turns back to it, cursing that he missed the hit.

He doesn't notice me just standing there, lightheaded and swaying. Static is in my ears but I can still hear the blood rushing loudly through them, and feel my heart beating like a drum against my sternum, trying to get out.

I swallow, or try to swallow, and hardly recognize my own body moving back up the stairs and into my room, door shutting and locking behind me.

I slide to the ground, hugging myself and trying desperately to suck in air because I suddenly _can't breathe_.

They are coming here. _He_ is coming here. He can't. He can't, he can't, he _can't_.

My fingers are numb and shaking and I'm panicking because I can't _breathe_ and my lungs burn.

Cold hands touch me, pulling me into a solid unmoving body and it's not the door my back is against anymore, but _her_. She has her arms wrapped unyielding around my middle, helping to keep pressure and hold my heart inside my body as I had been trying to do.

I clutch desperately at her arms, sobbing and choking, and she just hold me, rocks me, and whispers words that I can't yet hear.

* * *

 **A/N: So, Jacob has made an appearance. And they're brothers!**

 **Also, so Bella just had a panic attack. And of course Rose went to her. And I think we are towards the end of this story. I only have a few more points I want to hit so a few more chapters. There will be quite a bit of time passing, but not a lot. A few months maybe.**

 **~Silver~**


	10. Chapter 10

Soothing Cold

Chapter 10

 **BPOV**

They arrive the day I get off for break, and are already sitting in the living room when I get out of school.

I first notice the rental car in the driveway, and the nervousness starts.

"Bella?" Rosalie asks when I don't immediately move to get out.

I bite my lips, trying to think of a way to stall.

"Do you want to spend the night?" I ask.

She blinks. "I would love to," she says, starting to smile. "I can run home now and get some clothes."

"Can I go with you?" I ask, quickly.

Her smile starts to drop, concern leaking through. "What's going on? Isn't your mom supposed to be here today?"

"Yeah, of course, you're right. I should go. You'll still be back though?"

"Yeah." The frown doesn't leave her expression as she watches me climb out and start trudging towards the door.

I find all three of them sitting on the couch, talking.

My mother is the first to spot me, and she leaps to her feet. "Bella!" She exclaims, rushing me into a hug.

"Mom," I mumble in the bony shoulder, body stiff.

Phil stands slowly from the couch.

"How are you doing, Bella?" He asks kindly, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder.

"I'm doing alright," I wring my fingers behind my back, unwilling to open myself up to a hug from him. "Where are you guys staying?" I ask.

"Oh, at a little hotel just outside of town. We didn't want to crowd you," my mother says, reaching out to touch my cheek. She frowns when I can't help cringing away.

I feel relief at her response. Still, I turn to Charlie.

"Dad, Rose is spending the night tonight. She went back to her house to grab her things."

"You made a friend, Bella?" Phil asks. I shudder at the interest in his voice.

"She made a bunch of friends," Charlie boasts. "The Cullen's are a good bunch of kids, respectful, and they stay out of trouble."

"That's wonderful," Rene smiles. I had stopped hanging out with anyone back in Phoenix, and eventually, the friends I had stopped coming around. Jacob was always my best and closest friend, and he was several states away most of the time.

Two quick knocks sound at the door before it swings open.

"That was quick," I sigh in relief, going to help Rosalie and relieve her of the overnight bag.

She brushes a kiss on my cheek in greeting as she passes, and my eyes widen. That is new.

My cheeks burn as I hurry behind her into the main room.

"Mom, Phil, this is Rosalie."

Phil's eyes widen at the sight of her, his interest becoming more intense. Nausea rolls in my stomach as I suddenly realize just what I introduced my friend (my very pretty, turn every head, friend) to.

"It's so nice to meet you," my mom says, striding forward to shake her hand. Phil does the same, being the perfect gentleman and offering a polite smile. He's always so polite- friendly- likable. He doesn't do anything out of the ordinary or bad- he's the perfect stepfather. Until the bedroom door locks.

"Why don't you guys go put your things away and then come talk while I order pizza."

"Alright, dad," I agree quickly, tugging Rose to the stairs.

As soon as she makes it in, I close the door and lock it, throwing the duffle at the foot of my bed.

"Bella?" Rosalie questions.

"Don't be alone with him. No matter what, don't let yourself be alone with him; don't let the door lock."

Her eyes. I see the gold swim away, like an eyedropper dripping black ink into water, and they are obsidian. They widen.

"Him?" She speaks slowly, and I jump when a snarl seems to rip from her throat.

Acting instinctively, I step forward, gripping her elbows (even knowing I could never possibly hold her).

"Rose, it's okay."

" _He_ raped you? He's your stepfather; he lives in your house- he's supposed to keep you safe." Her eyes widen impossibly farther as something else seems to occur to her. "How many times?"

 _"_ It doesn't matter. Please just calm down," I plead.

Her voice gets lower, a growl, but I'm not scared- never of her. "How. Many. Times?"

I look down, tears dripping to the carpet. I don't want this confrontation- not now- not while he is down stairs waiting.

"Almost every night," my voice cracks.

Her hands are moving, pushing my hair out of my face and cradling my head into the crook of her neck.

I breathe deeply, trying not to let myself break down again.

"He won't touch you," she promises fiercely. "Not ever again; I won't let him."

I clutch the back of her shirt. "Don't let him touch you either," I demand.

"Never," she assures me, burying her nose in my hair. Maybe it's an angel thing that my scent comforts her. Then again, her's does the same for me.

"Now, come on," she pulls away after several minutes. "Let's go play host to a dead man."

I blink at the back of her blond head as she tugs me by the hand, unsure if she is joking or not.

...

 **RPOV**

 _Almost every night_. _Almost_ every _night._ _Almost_ every night _._

The bark cracks, fistfuls of the trunk coming away in my hands, but I only brush the splinters absently away.

"Easy, Rose," Emmett murmurs from a lower branch.

"He _hurt_ her," I growl at my best friend, eyes black but never leaving the tossing form through the window. She's having nightmares again. "He _raped_ her." She's had them every night since he's been here.

It will be a relief when he leaves tomorrow.

"I know," Emmett all but growls. "And we will kill him, but not yet."

"How does Carlisle feel about half his children plotting a man's murder?"

Emmett chuckles darkly. "He's not thrilled, but he understands. I think mostly because he had to stop Esme from hunting him the moment you told us."

Despite my dark mood, my lips twitch up at the memory of the matriarch of the family having to be restrained by three vampires to stop her from immediately slaughtering the rapist.

"I still say we should have let her," I grumble.

 _Almost every night._

"Then she would have had to kill Bella-Bear's mom too," he reminds me.

"Good," I snarl.

 _Almost every night._

"Almost every night, Emmett." _Almost every night_. "She's her mother- she should have noticed or suspected, and she did nothing until she found her daughter laying in a pool of her own blood. And all she did then was ship her off to her father. Ironically, it's probably the best thing she _could_ have done."

"She'll be okay, Rosalie," Emmett, comforts, placing a hand on my shoulder. It calms me, but not as much as it used to.

My best friend sighs. "Go on; I know your instincts are screaming at you. Hell, mine are, and I'm not the one in love with the girl."

Immediately, I'm through the window and pulling the thrashing human gently into my arms, pressing my cheek against hers so she can feel my cold and know it's me.

Like all the other night, she slowly starts to settle.

 _Almost every night._

I desperately inhale her scent, trying to reassure myself of her safety.

* * *

 **A/N: Alright, so now Rose knows. This will be exciting.**

 **~Silver~**


	11. Chapter 11

Soothing Cold

Chapter 11

 **BPOV**

Phil was nice at first. I liked him, even. He was, maybe, a little young compared to my mom, but no one her age could probably keep up with her- and he did it with a smile.

He was very dotting when they first started dating, trying to woo the both of us, and it worked. I liked him. I approved.

And then she married him.

A month after that, he came into my room.

I tried to tell at first, but he was always there, distracting her with something or another and acting all innocent and normal.

Then he came back again. And again. And again- whispering words and lies and truths. _Your mother is happy, why would you want to ruin it for her._

 _She wouldn't believe you._

 _It's our little secret._

 _What would she think of you- you've been letting it happen so long, why tell only now- did you like it? We all think it._

 _How dare you seduce me away from your mother. I'll have to punish you now._

 _If you tell, everyone will know what a slut you are_.

He's staring at me. Not obviously, but his eyes keep drifting in my direction as conversation continues.

I clutch Charlie's arm tighter, scooting slightly more behind him- a common position I've found myself drifting to since mom and Phil's arrival.

He had jumped at first, immensely surprised by my closeness, before he relaxed. The concerned and suspicious look has not left his face, though, every time he looks over at me.

My eyes dart up, quickly. Phil is staring again, and I automatically lower them.

"Well, Bella and I can find something to do if you two want to go catch up. I know it's been a while since you've seen each other."

My consciousness tunes into the conversation sharply, and my heart pounds rapidly against my sternum.

"Oh, that would be great!" Rene says, grasping her husband's hand thankfully for his thoughtfulness. He smiles bashfully.

My fists tighten in my father's jacket. No. Please no.

Charlie glances over at me, that same worry etched in his brow, and his eyes dart over to Phil with the suspicion. His jaw clenches.

"Actually, let's let the girls catch up instead. I don't think they've been alone since you got here! Why don't you and I go out for some coffee?"

Phil frowns, but it quickly smooths into something pleasant. "That would be great," he says. "An even better idea than my own."

My fingers slacken in relief, and Charlie's eyes once again glance over at me, studying.

When they leave, I'm left alone with my mother for the first time since she's been here. She immediately starts talking about Phil.

"-and I'm so glad you two get along so well. He's been very concerned about you, you know- he keeps asking when you'll be home. It was his idea to fly out here for Christmas, too. He's so thoughtful like that. He's already talking about what you guys can do when you visit this summer-"

Nausea rolls in my stomach at the information. I'll never be rid of him, will I? He will always be there.

"Mom-" I say suddenly, feeling panicked. "I don't...- Phil, he...-" I stammer, breaking off. My mother looks back at me, eyes wide and earnest and happy. I've never seen her as happy as she is with Phil.

 _Your mother is happy, why would you want to ruin it for her?_

 _She wouldn't believe you._

"Yes?" She prompts. "He's great, right?"

"Yeah," I stammer, the confession dying on my tongue. "Yeah, he's uh, he's great."

"I know," she squeezes my fingers tightly.

...

"So what do you think of Phil?" Dad asks me that night after they left.

I shift nervously at the stove, glancing over at the Chief of Police.

The question sounds casual, but he is scrutinizing me like he would when I was little, and Jake and I showed up at the house after dark and covered in dirt. Suspiciously.

"He always seems really great," I answer, stirring the spaghetti sauce. Charlie hums. "What do you think of him?" I ask in return.

"I don't like him." My eyes widen at his blunt confession. "He seems _too_ nice. Something about him just bugs me."

"Maybe the fact that he married mom?" I joke nervously.

"Actually, it's the way you act around him, Bella." He tells me completely serious. I attempt to swallow the lump in my throat, but it seems good and stuck. "Something you want to tell me?"

He's much more observant than Rene. He _is_ a cop. And I feel like I'm a suspect.

"No." I stir the noodles, wiping at the sweat that is suddenly on my forehead and trying to steady my shaking hands. I can feel an attack coming on, and I try to focus hard on just breathing.

"Bella, is he hurting you in any way?" He stands slowly from the table. He's not beating around the bush any, and he's giving me no room to deflect.

This is what I want, right? Someone to stop this? So why am I clamming up now? Why do I feel this overwhelming panic and desire to keep him, anyone, from knowing?

 _It's our little secret_.

Could it be true that He's right?

 _Why tell only now- did you like it? We all think it._

I can't breathe.

This is your chance. Charlie could stop it. Just answer the question. Is he hurting you in any way?

Why do I still find myself madly shaking my head?

"No, no-"

"Bella." His voice is suddenly right behind me, and his hand lands gently on my shoulder.

I jump, gasping (nerves already frayed), into the boiling pot.

Pain sears on my arm where I burn myself, and I jerk away with a yelp, heart pounding and vision going in and out of focus.

"Shit, Bella, I'm so sor-"

" _Don't touch me!"_ I scream, falling against cabinets, hands flying up to shield my head when I see hands reaching for me through my burry eyes.

I gulp at the air, trying to find relief in my suddenly tight chest, but none comes.

The ground under me sways, and I'm very glad that I'm already sitting, even if I am curled into a ball in the kitchen floor, rocking myself. My limbs are cold and numb, tingles running through them.

I feel ghosting hands against me even though I understand logically, now, that He is not even in the room.

My dad stares at me in sudden understanding and undisguised horror.

* * *

 **A/N: So, that is not at all what I was planning to happen, but it happened anyway. I wasn't originally planning on Charlie finding out, but he's a smart fella, and a cop, and this chapter just kind of... happened I guess.**

 **So now he knows. I wonder what's going to happen. Really, I really do because I have no idea what's going to happen from here on this side of things. Because there is going to be something else that happens (not exactly bad). Oh well, I'll figure it out.**

 **Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, and please review.**

 **~Silver~**


	12. Chapter 12

Soothing Cold

Chapter 12

 **BPOV**

My hands lie limp in my lap, one cupping the other and fingers curled slightly toward my palms. Eyes downcast at them, shoulders slumped but relaxed, staring, staring- given up.

My fingers twitch as Charlie's voice once again rises over the phone. His hand comes down flat on the countertop, loud but not destructive.

I glance up from my hands, taking in my father's agitated state from my hiding spot at the bottom of the stairs. I've never seen him so angry, so furious before. I barely managed to keep him from immediately calling Rene.

My hands clench into fists as he continues arguing.

"No, I already told you, she doesn't want to come in-... screw procedure-... I don't care, he lived in her house!-"

I stand as his voice turns hushed, becoming a harsh whisper hissed into the mouthpiece.

The bottom step creaks as I shuffle to the front door, snatching my key from the hook as I pass.

"Bella?" Dad asks as I open the door, pulling it closed behind me.

The truck starts up with a roar, and I meet Charlie's eyes briefly as he appears in the doorway, before I pull out of the driveway.

My body seems to sag in relief as I pass the sign welcoming me to the reservation.

I did want to see Rose; she was my first thought leaving the house, but it's late. Besides, I don't want to talk or stew about what might happen now, I just want to forget for a bit- pretend like I'm the same person as I was before.

I turn off the deafening roar of my truck and climb out, sliding as I go in the gravel rocks. When I finally plant my feet, I stare out over the calm grey waters, sloshing lazily against the shore.

This beach used to be occupied by me nearly every day of summer when I still used to visit. Rain or shine I would be out here with my brothers, running and tackling each other into the waves.

I turn away from the ocean scene and start my way along the familiar path which I've walked a million times. When I reach the dark Black house, long past when normal people would be in bed, I circle around the back, squeezing my way between the overgrown bushes.

Hesitating now, I push past my moment of doubt and softly wrap my knuckles against the windowpane.

Jacob shifts a bit in bed, stills, before sitting up and squinting out the window. He glances at his clock before leaping out of bed and throwing the window open.

"Bella? What are you doing here?"

"Is Wolf up for that adventure?"

I watch as a smile blooms on his face and a familiar excitement shines through as he clumsily shuffles for his shoes and jams them on his feet.

"Of course, Coon. Now scoot back."

I hastily scramble out of the bush as he boosts himself onto the windowsill and expertly slides out with the ease of someone having done it a hundred times before.

"We picking up Rat and Owl?" He asks as he leads the way to his teetering garage. His father would never be able to make it down here anymore in his wheelchair.

"Yup."

He flicks on the dingy light and shuffles around a bit before emerging with two old bikes. He passes me my old one, that I used to keep here, over with a grin as he clambers onto his own bicycle.

It takes a few moments, several struggling pushes on the peddles for the gears to start working like their supposed to, and we're finally bumping along on the uneven road. First we pick up Quil, then Embry- both eager to go on an adventure as they masterfully escape through their windows. Their own rattling bikes kick up dirt and rocks as we all exchange secretive smiles and make obscure gestures with our hands that we all somehow know the meanings to.

As we wiz past another familiar house, I slam my pedals back, putting the breaks on hard. The old bike skids before coming to a stop and I look up hesitantly at the dark windows.

My old friends stop as well when they realize that I'm no longer with them, and look at me questioningly.

"Let's get Leah too," I say. My voice at a normal volume carries easily over to them.

Embry scowls. "She hasn't wanted to hang out with us since she started high school."

"It doesn't hurt to try," I shrug, laying my bike down in the middle of the road and dashing around to the back of the house.

The vines twisting and crawling their way to the window have only grown thicker over the years, making it even easier to scale up the side of the house. With a shaking arm keeping me from falling, I use the other to rap my knuckles quickly on the glass before returning it to the natural handhold.

After almost a full minute, the curtains are yanked to the side, and a young woman squints out at me. Her face twists into recognition- then confusion before she yanks the window open.

"Bella? Bella Swan?"

I crack a nervous smile, adjusting my grip on the slick vines.

"Hey, Lee-lee, how's it hanging?"

"Bella, what are you doing here?"

"You up for an adventure like old times, Fox?"

She stares blankly at a minute, then turns her head slowly in the direction of her door, just a dark shadow against the far wall.

"Bella..."

She's shaking her head as she turns back to me.

"Come on, Fox," I press, readjusting my grip.

"You're crazy." But she's jamming her feet into shoes and booting herself up on the windowsill.

Grinning victoriously, I carefully maneuver my way down the vines- feeling very great relief when my feet come into contact with solid ground. Leah is just behind me, moving much faster with sure and expert hands.

"Well," she says after landing softly just beside me, "let's go then, Coon."

I'm grinning by the time we make it back to the rode and the guys seem truly surprised when the lost member comes speeding out behind me.

"Welcome back," Embry calls.

"Yeah you sure you want to hang out with us lowly eighth graders?"

Leah rolls her eyes at the light teasing that subtly expresses some hurt feelings. "Shut up," she responds.

Without another word we peddle in rattling silence until we make it to the woods bordering the beach. One by one, everyone disappears into the foliage and as I follow after, I immediately leap from my bike as soon as the leaves pass my shoulders. The others have already laid their bikes down by the time I dismount in this little shelter from the road, and I walk it to lean against the tree that provides us this barrier.

This spot is the center of all our schemes and adventures. From here, we go on foot.

"So where are we headed?" Leah question, picking a spiderweb from her face.

"The cove," Jacob answers for me, and Quil gives a little "whoop!"

"Oh, I'd almost forgot about that place..."

"Let's go!" Embry gives an excited hop before taking off into the trees and we are forced to follow or be left behind.

Old memories tickle at the edges of my mind, of doing this a hundred times, sneaking out, getting caught, doing it again. Running through the trees with my honorary brothers of mischief.

It was so long ago I can hardly remember that person. But I try to dredge her up now as I stumble through the dark, following the familiar paths that are invisible to anyone who hadn't learnt them intimately.

We reach the cliff within minutes and I take lead walking along the edge until I find the rotting rope tucked into a groove hidden in the cliff-face.

I shimmy down the rock wall until I reach the narrow path that gradually slopes downward until I reach the vegetation that blocks my view of the cove.

The scraping sound behind me alerts me to someone else scrambling down the trail, so I shove the leaves to the side and step out.

It's a very secluded spot, impossible to get to without knowing the path or having rock climbing equipment.

Cliff-face rises up all around creating a dome of rock. In the center is a little lake of ocean water, filtered by some underground tunnel. Right now, a path about two people wide walks all the way around water's edge, though in heavy rains that ledge completely disappears as the cove floods. Nestled along the back wall is the mouth of a cavern that floods when the cove does.

Seeing that it's not overrun with water, I make my way to the cave entrance and immediately start to work on the fire.

The old fire pit is long washed away, but old water-logged wood that has had time to dry out is littered along the stone floor and it only takes a little bit of rearranging to reconstruct the stones back into a proper pit.

By this time, the rest of my childhood friends have joined me, arms laden with collected branches from along the path down.

It takes only about 15 minutes to get a fire going, and by that time, I've completely let go of my more recent problems. I can almost believe it's like back when I was younger.

Except this place is colder than I remember, and darker, and my brothers in mischief around me are strangers now, some even to each other.

"So why did you stop visiting?" Leah breaks the silence, directing all the attention to me.

I fiddle with a stick nervously, poking at the slowly growing flames. Eventually, I shrug.

"Well why now? Why come back now?"

I hesitate a moment, then feeling just an overwhelming tiredness, I shove my sleeves up to my elbows and turn my arms over.

"Because I tried to kill myself, so Rene sent me to live with dad."

Jacob sucks is a sharp breath.

The fire flicks between an orange and blue glow, casting deep shadows on the walls and over my exposed skin. The light makes the scars look angry again, like it has only been weeks rather than several months since I first placed the blade to my wrist with the intent of dying.

I'm very glad I didn't. I wouldn't have met Rosalie and Emmett or Alice or any of the Cullens.

Embry's voice comes small and hesitant from his spot across from me.

"Why?"

I shrug and yank my sleeves back down self consciously, crossing my arms over my knees.

With another hesitation, I slowly open my mouth.

"Someone was hurting me, and I couldn't handle it anymore. So, I tried to stop the hurt."

It's quite a moment. Then-

"Well that was stupid."

"Leah!"

I snort at my old friend's comment, ignoring Jacob's scandalized outrage.

"What?" She scoffs defensively, "there are better ways to stop someone from hurting you other than trying to off yourself."

"Yeah..." I agree. "You're probably right... maybe."

I pick up my stick again and add it to the fire, watching it climb higher as it reaches towards the top of the cave.

"Anyway, I'm away from Him now... For now."

Silence falls around the dark cavern, and the sound of distant waves crashing against rock provide a filler.

"So, Sam..." I broach hesitantly. "I hear he's your boyfriend?"

A soft smile comes to Leah's face and she bites he lip. "Yeah, um, he's really great."

"You like him?" I inquire even as she blushes.

Before she can respond, there is a gaging sound across the fire.

"Ugh, gross! When did you become such a girl?" Quil teases.

I roll my eyes, and in doing so, something catches my interest along the walls.

"Oh, I forgot about those," I breathe, drawing attention to farther into the cave.

I stand slowly, plucking a log carefully out of the fire and bringing it closer to the wall.

"Oh yeah," Jake responds, leaning back on his elbows.

The flame throws the wall into graphic images of old faded drawings smeared with colors of red.

Grotesque images of people being slaughtered, the ground soaked with blood and red eye beings sucking the life out of the Quileutes. Blood soaks the depicted ground, smeared with vibrant but faded colors of red.

Farther along the wall giant wolves can be seen ripping the heads off of the red eyed monsters- the monsters I know to be vampires from the old myths of the people.

When we were younger, we liked to believe we were the first people to ever find this place, but we knew because of the drawings on the cave walls that this place is just more than likely forgotten. The entire history of the Quileutes is painted out on these walls.

Looking at them now, I feel the significance of them just as much as I had when I was younger.

The old myths come back to me now as I move along the wall taking in the scenes of gore and death, until I come along to the final picture I used to just stare at forever.

I freeze as I come to it, suddenly growing alarmingly cold as I look into the depiction of just two large golden eyes that stare back at me.

* * *

 **A/N: Haha, so wow has it been a while. I'm kind of having trouble figuring out what to right... Any suggestions?** **I know what I want to happen, I'm just having trouble getting to that point. Only a few chapters left now.**

 **Thanks so much for reading and if there is a scene you really want to see, let me know. Please review!**

 **~Silver~**


	13. Chapter 13

Soothing Cold

Chapter 13

 **BPOV**

"Bella...Bella..."

I jolt awake with wings and teeth and golden eyes playing in the back of my mind. My dreams had been relatively tame- a break from the usual terror that jolts me into consciousness. Instead, it's just a dull anxiety that throbs in the very back of my mind.

"Bella, come on- we accidentally fell asleep."

I glance around, taking in the barely smoldering wood, the intense chill that has seeped through my hoodie (accounting for the very real hands I remember holding me from my dream), and the grey sky that signals the coming morning.

I yawn but obediently clamber to my feet while Leah kicks dirt over what little embers that might have still been smoldering.

Without the thrill of adventure, and sleep still sluggish in our veins, the journey is a lot longer back to the bikes.

When we all split paths, I find my feet moving even slower back towards the truck, in no hurry to get home to an over protective Charlie. But eventually I do make it back to the truck and I start on the way home, obeying every speed limit and road sign until I pull up into to driveway. By then, the sun has fully risen behind the cloud cover.

Before I even cut off the engine, the front door is slamming open and Charlie is rushing out into the rain. He meets me as I slide out of the truck and into a puddle on the ground.

"Dad I-" I start on my halfhearted apology when he grabs me by the shoulders and yanks me into a hug.

My initial response is my entire body stiffening in discomfort, but after a few dragging seconds, I force my muscles to unclench and relax against my father.

He pulls away and when I see his face- bags under his red eyes, face wrinkled with worry- real regret stirs in my breast.

"I'm so sorry Bells," he says over and over. "I should have talked to you about this more rather than just start making phone calls- I should have known something wasn't right sooner- I should have seen the signs- At the stations we get plenty of people who- and I was so worried what you were going to do when you left- You can't do that to me kiddo- You can't drive off like that-"

"Dad," I interrupt, clutching at his arm now holding me at arm's length. "Dad it's okay-"

"But it's not..." he whispers to me like it's a secret.

"I'm so sorry for running off like I did. I shouldn't have, but I just needed to get away for a bit. It was all a little much."

"Just..." he pulls me into another hug and it's as uncomfortable and stiff as the one before. "I worry. I love you, Bella."

"I know dad." I awkwardly pat his back.

I've gotten more accustomed to touching Charlie, but this is more than I've allowed in a while. Maybe he realizes this too, or maybe the moment is just over, because he pulls back.

I want to scream into a pillow or throw myself off a cliff when I realize just how relieved I am that my own father is no longer touching me. How screwed up is that?

"Come on out of the rain," he mumbles, closing my truck door as I maneuver out of the way and in the direction of the house. Hopefully, the seats won't mildew from all the rain that they soaked up.

After a hot shower and some dry clothes, I hover nervously in the doorway to the kitchen.

I half expected Charlie to be back on the phone, arguing about the fate of a man in Arizona, but he just sits slumped at the table, two hands around a cooling cup of coffee. He looks like he's been up all night.

I feel another stab of guilt for making him worry, but push it away as best I can.

"Dad?"

He snaps his head up quick, looking about ready to jump up as well before he seems to decide to just stay where he is at.

"Can Rose come over?" I ask hesitantly.

Charlie frowns. "I was really hoping we could talk. We need to talk about this." 'This' meaning Phil.

My eyes are drawn to fingers picking frantically at my frayed sleeves.

"I- I don't... I can't... Please, I can't talk about it."

He's silent and I chance a glance up.

"Okay," he lets out a breath it sounds like he's been holding a long time. "Okay, not right now. You go ahead and call Rosalie. Emmett too if you want."

"Thanks," I mumble, feeling awkward as I dial her number on the landline with Charlie just sitting a few feet away.

She picks up on the first ring.

"Bella..." she greets pleasantly, sounding wide awake for it being so early on a Sunday.

"Hey," I bite my lip. "Can you come over? Is it a bad time?"

A pause. "No time is a bad time for you. What's wrong?"

No question of _if_ something is wrong. Just _what_ is wrong.

"Nothing, just...can you come over for a bit?"

"Of course. Do you want Emmett too? He's out right now but I can find him fairly quickly."

"No... no, can it just be you?"

"I'll see you shortly." The line cuts off and I sigh in relief.

"She'll be here in a little bit," I tell Charlie and rather than waiting in awkward silence downstairs, I make a quick escape to my room.

I crawl onto my bed, tugging the blanket from its neatly made tuck, and pull it around my shoulders. When I inhale, I can smell my angels' scents still clinging to it from all the times we've cuddled and just lounged around on top of it.

Exhaustion and stress make my eyelids heavy and without even realizing it, they slide shut.

I wake in terror as I feel weight press down on my mattress and move toward me, but a chilly hand on my cheek stops my scream before it even reaches my throat.

"Easy, Honey, it's just me. I'm here."

"Rose," I choke in relief as I see her topaz eyes, immediately reaching out to her. She maneuvers her way into my bundle of blankets until it's draped over the both of us, capturing her cold and my heat until even her skin starts to retain some of the warm insulation.

I relax completely into her body, resting my head over her chest and straining to hear the heart I know that doesn't beat. Is it because she is an angel like I always suspected, or because she is an animal drinking vampire from the legends? Is there really a difference if she is? No, not really.

"What's wrong, Honey?" She asks so softly.

"Charlie figured it out." I tell her. "What Phil does...did... to me."

Her chest rumbles in something between a purr and a growl. "He is definitely much smarter than Rene," she murmurs, pleased. A purr then.

"He wants me to tell..." She becomes impossibly still. "I-I can't. Why can't I?"

I feel Rosalie's ribs expand and deflate in a sigh before nuzzling my neck.

"You won't be able to talk about it yet. It was a long time before I could. Charlie is going to just have to be patient."

"I don't want to worry him," I admit, staring straight forward. Completely at ease with this possible vampire's (definite angel) mouth so close to my neck. The stutter that happens to my heart when she kisses it, is not of fear.

"He'll worry either way. He's a good parent." She says it like she means Rene isn't. Maybe she isn't.

"I just want to forget about it. I just want it to have never have happened- for Him to never have come into my life."

"I know," she says, hugging me.

Her cold skin gives me comfort even as it warms to match my own temperature. It's her arms around me, and a peppering of kisses on my head, that I drift off to- secure in the arms of a celestial being.

...

The ticking of the clock causes irritation to stir in my gut. It seems louder than all my past visits, though I suppose the boring walls seem slightly more entertaining to stare at than usual.

"Your father told me what's actually been going on, Bella."

I grit my teeth, annoyed at Charlie. I understand that he's worried about me, and he's just trying to help, but this guy is an idiot. He didn't have to tell him my trauma. I can get over it without this particular psychologist's help.

"Can you tell me about it?"

I scowl. "If I didn't tell you about it before, what makes you think that I'd tell you about it now?"

"You're defensive."

I cross my arms, agitated. Of course I'm defensive. He wants me to explore a trauma that I, for the most part, am still unwilling to acknowledge out loud.

"I know it's hard, Bella; but if you want to get over this, you have to talk about it, acknowledge it. Something very bad happened to you and you need to work through it. You were raped."

I wince, before closing off my expression and curling my knees into my chest for protection.

When I do decide I'm ready to talk, it won't be with this stranger, this man, that reminds me so much of Phil. It will be on my own terms with someone I trust. Not him.

So, I clamp my mouth shut and don't utter another sound.

Next Tuesday, Charlie doesn't force me to go back when I ask him to not make me see that particular doctor again.

The following week, it's a kind looking woman with soft features and smile lines in the corner of her eyes whose office I walk into. The walls are a vibrant blue/green with abstract pictures on the walls and a soft couch with pillows that I'm allowed to pull into my lap and hold nervously.

By the end of the first session, she hasn't asked any personal questions at all and I learned that she has two kids- one in elementary school and one starting high school next year. By the time the hour is up, my nerves have faded and the pillow I had been fiddling with anxiously lays limp and forgotten in my arms as we converse about menial things.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys! I think there are only a few more chapters left so lets hope I keep a somewhat consistent updating so I can start focussing back on some of my other stories.**

 **Thanks so much for reading guys. If there is something you want to see (other than Phil's demise), let me know and I'll try to include something even if it is a filler chapter or an intermission (which is just kind of like a break from the storyline).**

 **Please review! They make me so happy.**

 **~Silver~**


	14. Chapter 14

Soothing Cold

Chapter 14

 **BPOV**

Thump. Thump. Thump thump. Thump.

I sigh, letting my hands fall down to my side, and I give Rosalie what I can only guess is a pitiful look.

"Come on Bella," she encourages. "Hit me hard."

"I don't see the point in this," I grumble, crossing my arms self-consciously as other groups wail on their partners, all fists and grunts and sweat dripping onto the mat like it's raining. I wince slightly and shuffle farther away on the edges of the martial arts class.

"The point is," Rose informs me, taking off the pads on her hands and stuffing them under her arms. She steps closer to me and manually lifts my hands back to my cheeks before stuffing her hands back into the mitts and lifting them to eye level. "The point is," she continues, "is that you learn how to throw a punch. That you feel safer."

"Did it help you?" I can't help asking curiously.

"Very much," she nods.

So, with another sigh, I jab my gloved hand out and pathetically hit at the pad. I abruptly stop as the coach's shadow falls over me, and shift uncomfortably at his scrutiny.

"No, keep going," he tells me, and I awkwardly hit the pad again. "Alright," he stops me after a few more hits. "You are just using your arms, you've got no power behind you hits. What you want to do is throw your whole body into the punch, starting with your hips, and try to punch _through_ the target. You want to imagine punching at least six inches past. And give your hips a good twist."

He demonstrates slowly for me, and I take everything in seriously, watching the ease which his body moves. I'm sure I look nothing like that. None of these giant men with huge muscles, or fat soccer moms and couch potato dads, look like that.

Regardless, I try again, attempting to throw my body into the punch like he showed me.

He smiles when I look to him for correction and nods his head.

"Better- keep working on it." And he leaves to correct someone who looks like a weight lifter who is all flailing elbows.

I turn my attention back to Rosalie who is my partner in this, patiently holding the pads.

"You're doing good," she encourages.

I glance towards the bleachers and catch sight of Charlie, who is watching the class intently. He's the one who wanted me to come, but Rosalie is the one to talk me into it. And only because she said that she'd take it with me.

"Whatever," I huff, turning my attention back to the pads and throw more force into my punches.

I'm not afraid of hurting my friend- I don't think anything _can_ physically hurt her. So, I let the rotten feeling in my chest, the one I've always shoved down so far that I'd forgotten it was there, well up and fuel my strikes even though they are awkward and the force jolts all the way to my shoulder. I get so absorbed in that rotten feeling that I startle, panting slightly, when a shrill bell sounds signaling for partners to change roles.

Rosalie gives me a soft smile as she passes over the mitts for me to hold for her while she goes to grab her own newly purchased gloves.

...

A slamming door and voices draw my attention, and Emmett punishes me by brutally murdering my character on screen. He throws his head back laughing, and I groan, nudging his head with my sock-clad foot.

The voices continue, drawing my curiosity once more. Rosalie glances up from her magazine as I gently remove her feet from my lap and amble over to my bedroom window, taking the opportunity to also stretch out my sore thumbs.

I smile, pleasantly surprised to see my woodland brother chatting happily with Charlie and with one hand on his own father's wheelchair.

I turn to see Rosalie staring intently at the window as if she is listening to a conversation she is not happy about.

"Jake is here," I inform them excitedly. "Now he can finally meet you guys." I had been wanting my childhood friend to meet my best friends, but they hadn't been willing to go to the reservation. I hadn't pushed them on it because it was such an odd request to not make them go down there, and they don't ask much of anything from me. "I'll go get him."

I rush from the room, almost falling all the way down the stairs when I accidentally miss the first step, but I catch myself on the handrail.

"Wolf!" I call as the trio enter the house.

"Coon!" He grins. "Fancy ride out front- you steal it or something?"

I snort at his antics. "It's my friends'. Come on up and you can meet them."

"Friends?" He gasps. "You have friends?"

I roll my eyes and start back up the stairs.

"I know. It's a wonder I can make any when taking care of you is a full-time job."

"Awe but, Coon, taking care of me is an adventure all-"

I glance back to see what could have caused him to stop his retort, to see him gaping like a fish. It takes me only a moment to realize that it's Rosalie his eyes are zeroed in on, who looks tense, very on edge, and slightly hostile.

A flash of protectiveness snaps my teeth together and I slug him hard in the shoulder. "Close your mouth and stop drooling, you damn dog," I hiss at him.

"W-what?! Ow!" His cheeks flush as Emmett guffaws. "Sorry, Blonde, I just didn't expect you to look so ho-, um, beautiful- ow! Stop punching me!"

"Stop hitting on my friend!"

"It was a compliment!"

"It's creepy!"

"Fine, fine- I'll stop," he pouts, rubbing at his arm where I had hit him twice already. "Just don't hit me again."

Emmett's full on belly laugh brings our attention back around. Rosalie still looks on edge, but she's more amused now than anything.

I sigh, exasperated. "Jake, this is Rosalie and the oaf is Emmett. Guys, this is my brother, Jake."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Rosalie says, while Emmett attempts to rein in his laughter.

"Yeah, good to meet you, Wolfie. I have to say, I've never seen this version of Bella-Bear before and it is hilarious. You've gotta get angry more often, Boo, it's great entertainment."

"I'd punch you too, but I think I'll settle for clobbering you this next round. Somehow, I think it will hurt more," I growl playfully, climbing back up onto the bed and pulling Rosalie's feet back into my lap as I snatch up the controller.

"Oh, the Care Bear is trying to trash talk now. Grab a controller, Wolfie; the gauntlet has just been thrown."

Jake awkwardly catches the controller tossed at him and slides down onto the floor.

"Since when did you get a TV in your room?" He questions. His character dies quickly on the screen as he tries to figure out the controls and buttons. "X is jump, right?"

"Yeah," I grunt, muscles tensing as I dodge a fireball aimed at me. "It was Emmett's. He got a bigger one for his room, so he gave this one to me. He just brought the game with him for us to play."

"Sweet."

After a while, I get tired of playing and abandon the game to the boys while Rose maneuvers behind me and starts braiding my hair.

"I'm sorry about him," I mumble as she sweeps the strands behind my ear.

She chuckles. "It's fine; I'm used to it."

"Well, you are beautiful... people just need to appreciate it without being crass."

She hums appreciatively. "You are very sweet."

I shrug awkwardly, trying not to rip my hair out of her gentle grip.

...

It's well after dark when Charlie comes knocking on the door, poking his head in and smiling slightly at our sprawled forms.

"Jake, I'm taking your dad home. He said you can drive back on your own when you are ready. Though, I am still pretending that I don't know how old you are."

"Yes Sir," He solutes, making Charlie chuckle as he leaves.

Rosalie and Emmett exchange looks before he rises from the ground.

"Well, we better go ahead home too, Rosie," he says cheerfully. "I'll pick up my Xbox tomorrow, Bella Bear, so you and the dog can keep playing if you want."

He ruffles my hair before skipping out the door.

Rosalie slowly untangles herself from me, pressing a kiss to my cheek in farewell. "I'll see you tomorrow, Bella. Try to get some sleep tonight."

"I will; bye."

They manage to leave just shortly after Charlie and Billy.

"So..." Jacob drawls, crawling onto my bed beside me and offering a controller. "Are you and Rosalie, like, a thing?"

"What?" I startle, almost dropping it. "No, of course not."

"You and Emmett, then?"

I gag, nausea rolling in my stomach. "Gross, no- don't make me imagine him like that."

His grin turns sly as he presses start on the game.

"I find it funny how you didn't react near as grossed out when it was Blonde I was asking about."

My character immediately dies on screen.

I turn and glare at my child hood friend, trying desperately not to think about my burning cheeks, but he just continues grinning cheekily without taking his eyes off the tv screen.

"You are an ass," I tell him, then focus all my attention on obliterating him in the game.

* * *

 **A/N: Right then, here's another chapter. So the friends meet the brother; what do you think? There was not any hostility because Jacob isn't wolf yet and doesn't know that the legends are real. He just sees a very pretty blond. Billy didn't throw a fit because all Bella said was her "friends" were upstairs. He doesn't know that they are the Cullens.**

 **Anyway, what do you think? Bella acts just a little bit more different in this chapter, but I feel like it's about time to start giving her a little bit of character back. Emmett even mentions that he'd never seen her act that way before- but that was kind of how she acted before Phil.**

 **Our dear Rosie is helping her heal while Jacob is helping to bring the backbone back. I hope I made that clear enough.**

 **Well, this A/N has been way to long so I'm going to just leave you with my normal request of please review!**

 **~Silver~**


	15. Chapter 15

Soothing Cold

Chapter 15

 **EPOV**

"Relax, Rosie, I don't think Esme would like you wearing a hole in her floor."

The stressed vampire sneers at me without even pausing in her rapid pacing in front of the TV. My fingers move casually over a game controller, only allowing a portion of my attention to stray to my best friend for decades.

"What's the problem?" I groan, tossing her a glance. "This is what you wanted, right? Bella-Bear not to spend so much time with the big bad scary vampires?"

Rosalie spins with a snarl directed at me, but I do my best to ignore the fierceness of it. Rosie has one scary glare man.

"She's with the Quileute boy," she hisses at me.

"She calls him her brother, I doubt he'll be putting the moves on your girl."

"She's not mine," she growls, wrenching my controller out of my hand and throwing it across the room (gently enough to not actually break anything), "she's not an object you can possess."

"No," I agree quickly, leaning back into the couch with crossed arms and a grin stretching across my face. "She's just the human that you've fallen in love with."

She recoils from my words and starts her pacing again. "It's not about that," she grumbles angrily.

"Then what's it about, Rose?" I sigh, dropping my smile and leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. I goof off a lot of the time, but I know when I truly need to become serious. The brittle blonde wouldn't be my best friend if I didn't. "He's not a Shifter- he's not dangerous to her. There hasn't been a Shifter around since Carlisle was here the first time around."

"He may not be Shifter now, but they have their legends- their myths. What if he tells her about us? What if she figures out what we are?"

"Would that be such a bad thing?" I offer. "Then we wouldn't have to hide anything from her anymore."

Her eyes blacking to two coal pits.

"Yes, and everything would change because she would be terrified of us."

"I can't imagine that Bella-Bear would be scared of you, Rose- she loves you. Or even scared of me for that matter."

"We are vampires, Emmett," she tells me bluntly like it's something I'm not understanding or don't know.

"And she knows us. She loves us. She's not going to turn her back on you because of what you are."

Some gold swims into the inky depths of her eyes, and her arms cross her stomach in a move that I haven't seen her do in decades. A pang stabs at my chest, sharp and stinging for the similarities of my too girls- for the cruelties they've had to endure, and the fact that it's the thing that brought them together.

It's an old wound for Rose, and a barely scabbing one for Bella-Bear.

"She already knows."

We both snap our heads in the direction of the stairs. Edward shifts from one foot to the other, unconsciously mimicking that nervous human tick. It's date night for everyone else, so we are the only occupants in the house.

"She's known for weeks- known we weren't human for months."

"What?" Rosalie whispers, shock displayed on her normally scowling face. "How?"

Eddie-boy gives an uncomfortable shrug. "She grew up hearing those legends you were so worried Jacob might tell her. She heard them right alongside him."

There's a rush of wind as Rosalie speeds away; and neither of us react when the sound of her door slamming echoes through the house.

I lean into the couch, narrowing my eyes at my least favorite brother.

"Why are you telling us this, Eddie?" He twitches at the name. "I would have thought you'd be using this information to pack us all up and move by now."

He scowls at me. "Because I have to listen to everyone's thoughts every minute of the day and I can see how much you all care for the human. And she is, for some insane reason despite what she knows about us, irrevocably attached to you and Rosalie. I might be a monster, but I'm not heartless."

I almost feel guilty when he spins away and speeds out the front door.

Instead, a slow smile stretches across my face as I stand up to retrieve my controller.

Bella-Bear's got balls of steel. She didn't even flinch. Rosalie's been sleeping in her bed for months and she's never even hesitated.

Instead of starting another game, I turn the tv off, putting everything away before speeding up the stairs to stand in front of the only plain door in the hall.

I give a soft knock, waiting for my best friend to bid me entrance so we can talk about this new discovery.

 **BPOV**

"Are you coming to the party down on the beach tonight?" Jacob asks, looking over at me as our bikes rattle on down the road.

"No, I've got to leave soon and take a shower before this evening. I've got plans to go out to eat with Rose," I gesture vaguely to my entire body which is plastered with mud.

I had been hanging out with my childhood friends when a war broke out, which started when Leah called Embry immature and he inadvertently tossed a clump of mud at her. Now I'm covered head to toe in the stuff and I smell the strong musk of earth every inhale.

Jacobs grin turns huge, taking up the entire lower half of his face.

"Really? Tonight?"

"So?" I lift my shoulders in a semblance of a shrug.

"Dude, it's totally a date!"

"It is not; would you shut up?" I blush and take a half-hearted swing at him, but he easily guides his bike out of my reach.

"Open your eyes, Coon. You're going out with her on Valentine's Day. It's a date!"

"Wait, it's what?"

My front wheel twists unexpectedly underneath me and suddenly my shoulder slams into the road. Pain spreads out in my entire side as Jake's bike skids to a stop.

I sit up with a groan, clutching at my knee that is scraped raw. Bits of gravel are stuck in the wound.

"Bella, are you alright?" Jacob asks, concerned, as he drops his bike and jogs toward me.

"I'm fine," I sigh, hissing as I straighten my knee and the scrape stretches. He helps me stand. "Is it really Valentine's Day today?" I ask, just realizing how much time has passed since being in Forks. At least 5 months.

"Uh, yeah Coon," he says, reverting back to my nickname now that he knows I'm not in danger of dying, but looking bemused at how I could possibly be uninformed of this Holiday. "Now let's go; you've got to get ready for your date tonight."

"It's not a date!" I curse, scrambling towards my fallen bike to catch up with him "Jake! It's not a date!"

...

Is this a date? I glance nervously around the restaurant, packed full of happy looking couples. The parking lot was so crowded that it was a miracle we found an open spot, and Rosalie had to guide me through a swarm of hungry people who didn't think to make a reservation- just waiting to get through the doors.

Rosalie must have booked hers at least a week in advance.

Does she realize what day it is? She must, I think, looking around at all the heart and Cupid decorations, couples at every table, and just the romantic air choking everyone in the fancy restaurant.

Even if Jacob hadn't told me, I would have figured it out by now.

I find myself blushing as I glance back at my maybe date and the soft smile she always has for me.

"So, what did you do today?"

"Well, the couples were all out today, so it was just Edward Emmett and I hanging around the house. It's been a lazy day."

"Those are nice," I comment, relaxing at the familiar ease of conversation.

It's not that I'm completely oblivious to my feelings that are much stronger than a normal friendship (or even best friends). It's not the same as I feel for Emmett, or Jacob and our band of woodland brothers.

I'm just nowhere near ready for that kind of relationship.

I love Rose. I glance around at all the couples, deeply in lust, exchanging kisses, whispers in ears, with little hearts dangling from the ceiling. I'm just not ready for all this.

Besides. That's assuming an immortal vampire, an angel, would want someone as broken as me. Sometimes, with the way she looks at me, I almost think that she does. And that's just as scary.

* * *

 **A/N: Here you go guys! I'm going to guesstimate maybe, 2-4 more chapters before this story is over, so we are almost done.**

 **Man, I didn't think I'd get this far with this story.**

 **Thanks for reading and please leave a review- especially if there is something specific that you guys want to see (again, other than Phil die).**

 **~Silver~**


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